Healing

“I show my scars so that others may know they can heal.”
Unknown

I've written before of my relationship with my Mother, the last post mentioning the unlikelihood of reconciliation. Well, as they say, "If you want to make God laugh, tell (Him) your plans"; as unlikely as I thought I was lead to reconcile not only with my Mother, but a few other people in my life. After months of inner-child work as well as some shadow work which lead to hospitalization earlier this year I believe I am healing wounds from my early childhood years. Which I feel is necessary not to mention inevitable once a person begins the journey into Self-Awareness or any type of Spiritual Journey. 

I've missed writing and sharing, I haven't thought of any reason to justify staying away so long other than I was "getting my shit together". Spending many days and nights battling anxiety, depression and insomnia along with the recent diagnosis of bipolar disorder. I feel as if I wasn't ready to share that with you all just yet; coming to terms with these types of things takes it's own time as well understanding in order to do so in a healthy way, at least from my personal experience. Sometimes letting others in too soon can cause unnecessary interactions or worse... One thing I've realized since being hospitalized in April 2017 came from a quote from Albert Einstein, which says, "There is only two ways to live your life: one is as though nothing is a miracle, the other is a though everything is". I believe I have begun to allow that concept to sink in which brings a new found happiness for each day. Not as if I am expecting stereotypical miracles, but through all things; from the smallest to the most miraculous.

After contemplating many experiences I've had in this life as well as questioning some of my beliefs after reading a book titled "Beyond Beliefs" followed by "Island of Knowledge" by Linda Quiring. I feel as if I have found myself in a new space of consciousness, in some ways understanding the past from a different perspective and in other ways learning to shape the future with affirmations, goals and positivity while remaining in the NOW. It sounds so easy, but at times I feel the future as if it were the present or the past as if it were now and I have to regroup and recenter. Once speaking with my Mother I realized some beliefs I created which prolonged the reconciliation however if things happen in divine timing, then those obstacles were there for the time to align in order to make the "impossible", possible. I feel as if I am getting to know another side of myself, a side buried long ago in childhood and being around family feels right on time.

I am not sure if I've always been bipolar and it remained dormant until triggered or if it developed due to my other conditions. I try not to wreak my brain trying to figure that out. Instead I tend to piece together memories and thoughts to enjoy the moment. I hadn't realized how long it's been since my last entry until I posted the observations for October recently, I've been in the mood to write for some time, yet not until now have the words come to me. Hopefully this will not become a rare occurrence and I will share more frequently. Especially as the year comes to an end and new adventures await 2018.

I hope you are having an enjoyable day, even if the joy is a bit hard to find there is always something and/or someone to be thankful and/or grateful for. 

Blessings,

Kamille 💗✨