King Kamille

As I've written in previous post I am thankful to have various outlets to express myself; especially when I am going through things I find less than desirable. I'm all out of golden ticket (insert sad face here)   and I don't know when I'll have more, so I found my faithful blue dream and I realize that my troubles can wait a day. I enjoyed my Sunday and marveled at the Full Moon, which was so big and bright; I nearly missed it thinking it was something else. I blame the drugs; like Katt Williams says in one of his stand-up comedy shows, weed has an ingredient called "fuck it",  today as I allowed the smoke to clear my mind I find myself a bit better than I've been all week. I let out a deep breath and thought "fuck these problems" ; worrying has only made me feel worse, so in order to get my desired outcome I much change my mood and vibrate at a higher frequency. I believe that will help, changing my mindset about the problem altogether; like ...

  "sit, be still and listen" - Rumi Years ago I discovered what is believed to be " sacred time" ; which is the time of the day observed to honor God, however that is for you. I use that time to pray, meditate and focus on my hearts desires. I found that last part a bit difficult until recently, as I wrote before, I'm learning to dream and set goals again, taking much thought into where I see myself in years to come. The vision has yet to become clear, but I am having fun dreaming of various scenarios; even if God has something different in store. Over the years I've learned to leave room for God to guide me, taking heed to red flags, gut feelings and synchronicities. I also learned of a few tools such as my natal chart, astrology, astronomy, energy cleansing, chakras and tarot which assists with things my intuition leads me to. I find it fascinating when my tarot reader tells me something only I know about myself or a circumstance, whenever I have a deep ur...

  “Every human heart cries and yearns for the same thing: a chance to fulfill his or her own dreams and desires...” Myles Munroe Still buzzing from the concoction of marijuana strains in my system I thought of various hopes, dreams and ideas I have as well as projects I am working on and I began to wonder is my heart truly yearning or crying for these things to manifest? I feel silly posing that question, because I know that it does; and has been for quite some time. The heaviest is to write a book, however the direction has changed multiple times since the original idea came to mind. I find myself sitting in front of the computer, overwhelmed with thoughts of where and how to begin. I thought to focus on one chapter at a time, but I still feel as if I need direction. I may have mentioned it in a previous post about my recent reading with my tarot reader, where he told me I need to stop second guessing myself and trust myself more than I do currently. I suppose that's how this entr...

Lately, I've been writing about my thoughts; for a change I thought I'd write about my feelings. I've been feeling this overwhelming sense of connectedness,  I can only attempt to put it into words, but I'll try. As many of you may have read in previous expressions I've had feelings of happiness for quite some time, now it's morphing into a type of love I had yet to experience. I know it's a reflection of the level of self-care and self-love I've been pouring into myself which makes me want to give myself even more of my attention. Once I started focusing on myself more I've felt this sense of being in tune that allows my gifts and attributes to shine (imo). I used to think it was selfish to focus so much on myself, then I read a quote some time ago which (I'm paraphrasing) said something to the effect of "stop contacting them first and watch you'll never hear from them". So I eased up with checking on people who weren't necessa...

“Do not love half lovers Do not entertain half friends  Do not indulge in works of the half talented Do not live half a life  and do not die a half death If you choose silence, then be silent When you speak, do so until you are finished Do not silence yourself to say something And do not speak to be silent” ~ Half A Life by Khali Gibran As you may know I’ve been more active with the blog, until recently when I had an encounter with someone who suggested I’m “too open”; I took a few days to contemplate those words. Unbeknownst to them I have been dealing with my issue of holding back, which interestingly enough was also mentioned by the same person not so long ago; when I shared a few of my previous blog entries . I was confused and a bit discouraged to continue when I realized, that’s their perception which deep down has nothing to do with me; even more so because the person making these “observations” chooses not to read the expressions I publish. I then had to look at myself...

As of late I’ve been adjusting to various changes in my life; including my mental health treatment strategies. After discontinuing my meds for a while I decided it was time to lower my dosage while micro-dosing medical marijuana, which brings me to my recent concoction:  Blackwater , Black Jack , Mimosa , Sherberry Pie and Sour Diesel  all of which cause various effects that I’m growing accustomed to. Many of the strains mentioned produce happiness, euphoria and uplifting effects; which are wonderfully a part of my current state of mind.  Over the years with mental illnesses I’ve learned a lot about marijuana and how it helps me balance my emotions and such. One thing I did not expect from this cocktail has been a major enhancement to my ability to focus as well as create. For about 5 years I smoked sativa later preferring hybrids, which to me is good for the various conditions I face. I suppose there are many ways to think of marijuana as well as the philosophy asso...

“Surround yourself with the things you love. Discard the rest.”   Kate Spade I feel as if I’ve had a rebirth of sorts, with Saturn   Pluto   Jupiter   Neptune  and Chiron in retrograde I’ve taken some time to revisit the meanings and effects of each. As I was reminded of some things I discovered why I’ve been feeling the way I have regarding matters of my heart, health and spirituality. I’ve also been studying my natal/ birth chart which seems to feel like the first time each time I read it. As I’ve learned the different aspects of myself I’ve learned to expect positive experiences when retrogrades occur. I wrote recently about not recalling the steps I took to lead me out of depression and into happiness and the above quote helped a lot. I started outward with candles and decorating then moved within to my thoughts and intentions. I devoted myself to the philosophy of self-love and self-care.  I began to nurture my inner child and re-examine the voids or a...

"you cannot have love if your heart is closed" - Iyanla Vanzant I feel as if chapters are ending in my life; the search for happiness has lead to acknowledging voids in my heart which have created the expression or feeling of unhappiness. As I look a bit closer, I realize it wasn't necessarily unhappiness, but more of disappointment; in outcomes. As William Shakespeare wrote: "expectation is the root of all heartache" so as the days have passed I have been working on my expectations and learning to eliminate the ones no longer serving me. I'm sure I've written about expectations in the past and how my philosophy is that they are absolutely necessary and how I hold myself to high expectations; with the flexibility to adjust where/as needed. However the trouble comes in when holding others to my expectations. Recently I read a quote which stated (possibly paraphrased), "don't expect people to be you" along with another quote which ...

With nearly every planet in retrograde ( Jupiter , Pluto , Saturn and Uranus  with Neptune going retrograde June 18- November 27), I am currently feeling a bit out of sorts; I guess you can say. Add into the mix this past weekends New Moon, I feel as if I have been sent into orbit. There's a gleeful expression awaiting the words to describe the feeling. However, I don't really know how to be happy anymore; blame bipolar disorder or the circumstances over the past 7 years... Like that quote says, "we all have chapters we don't read aloud" , I sporadically have flashbacks of specific periods where I was either nearly homeless or committed to psych wards and the events leading up to those times as well as the people who played a certain role in those situations. I try to forgive, and to some extent I have, then I think about where I am today; although everything isn't "blue skies and rainbows" , thankfully they aren't as bleak as they once wer...

"I've always been someone who looks 'too deep' into something or someone.  That's because I realized from a young age that there's always more than what meets the eye." - unknown It feels as if I've had several "mother's" in this lifetime; unfortunately, none of them were my own. I suppose aside from God I have no idea who to ask or the appropriate description of how it came to be, nevertheless I had to mature at an extremely young age. I don't remember much of a childhood, I recall brief flashbacks of sorts and some memories, but not the typical coming of age story movies are made of. Often times, especially since developing mental illnesses and being on a leave of absence from work I find myself feeling as if I've been an adult far longer than my actual age. While other times I feel like such a baby, constantly attending to my well-being; mind, body and soul, it seems as if that should be a way of life as we all are ...

A quote comes to mind which states "the hardest thing in life is to know which bridge to cross and which to burn";  although I can relate to this saying, I do not believe it to be "the hardest thing in life" . The difficulty comes with knowing which "bridges" to detach from, as opposed to which to nurture; which can be a delicate  balance of strategy and insight; or even foresight. I will admit, I have not quite mastered it as I sometimes would like to believe. Lately, I have encountered people who are "rubbing me the wrong way" ; I am still processing if this is happening in conjunction with my current spiritual journey, the transits in the Cosmos or simply an obstacle of sorts forcing me to burn a few bridges or invest the energy, time, etc., necessary to build the intended relationships. This all comes to mind as I am navigating through my circumstances, feelings, emotions, healing and humanity while encountering situations which are contr...

"Normal is an illusion. What is normal for the spider is chaos for the fly." Morticia Addams Prior to the election this past voting season, I was dealing with various issues which can cause the average person to stress; however with anxiety disorder everything becomes on high alert or high priority. So to say that during and after the shenanigans as well as the ridiculous results the triggers were ever-present in addition to functioning throughout my daily life has been on the side of chaos might be an understatement. On occasion while running the usual errands or conversing with a neighbor someone will make mention that I don't seem as if I have anxiety disorder, which I have learned to take as a compliment to the behind the scenes "work" I do to understand and manage my self now. I won't go into detail about a recent situation which as a result landed me in the hospital for about a week. I can almost laugh now, seeing how I was just acknowledging, ...

“Expectation is the root of all heartache.”  William Shakespeare I can not recall when it began or when I realized it had begun, but my heart aches. For whatever reason I was oblivious to being in this condition until I was “smack dab” in the middle of it. I’d acknowledged at some point there had been a heart break yet I figured since I was aware of it there would be no need for it to affect me emotionally. I thought since I know my heart was (or perhaps still is) broken I should not experience the feelings associated with being brokenhearted. Or so I thought… As I attempted to discover the source of the developing feelings, I found myself thrown off balance when I came to realize what I thought was the cause of this particular heart ache was only the tip of the iceberg; so to speak. I have been reliving the past five years in my mind and how I have endured almost every type of heartbreak you could imagine. From “losing” friends, fall-outs with family members, in additio...