King Kamille

“Do not love half lovers Do not entertain half friends  Do not indulge in works of the half talented Do not live half a life  and do not die a half death If you choose silence, then be silent When you speak, do so until you are finished Do not silence yourself to say something And do not speak to be silent” ~ Half A Life by Khali Gibran As you may know I’ve been more active with the blog, until recently when I had an encounter with someone who suggested I’m “too open”; I took a few days to contemplate those words. Unbeknownst to them I have been dealing with my issue of holding back, which interestingly enough was also mentioned by the same person not so long ago; when I shared a few of my previous blog entries . I was confused and a bit discouraged to continue when I realized, that’s their perception which deep down has nothing to do with me; even more so because the person making these “observations” chooses not to read the expressions I publish. I then had to look at myself and ask,

As of late I’ve been adjusting to various changes in my life; including my mental health treatment strategies. After discontinuing my meds for a while I decided it was time to lower my dosage while micro-dosing medical marijuana, which brings me to my recent concoction:  Blackwater , Black Jack , Mimosa , Sherberry Pie and Sour Diesel  all of which cause various effects that I’m growing accustomed to. Many of the strains mentioned produce happiness, euphoria and uplifting effects; which are wonderfully a part of my current state of mind.  Over the years with mental illnesses I’ve learned a lot about marijuana and how it helps me balance my emotions and such. One thing I did not expect from this cocktail has been a major enhancement to my ability to focus as well as create. For about 5 years I smoked sativa later preferring hybrids, which to me is good for the various conditions I face. I suppose there are many ways to think of marijuana as well as the philosophy associated with why a p

“Surround yourself with the things you love. Discard the rest.”   Kate Spade I feel as if I’ve had a rebirth of sorts, with Saturn   Pluto   Jupiter   Neptune  and Chiron in retrograde I’ve taken some time to revisit the meanings and effects of each. As I was reminded of some things I discovered why I’ve been feeling the way I have regarding matters of my heart, health and spirituality. I’ve also been studying my natal/ birth chart which seems to feel like the first time each time I read it. As I’ve learned the different aspects of myself I’ve learned to expect positive experiences when retrogrades occur. I wrote recently about not recalling the steps I took to lead me out of depression and into happiness and the above quote helped a lot. I started outward with candles and decorating then moved within to my thoughts and intentions. I devoted myself to the philosophy of self-love and self-care.  I began to nurture my inner child and re-examine the voids or areas of neglect which created

“She tried to keep herself away from everything that touches her feelings. She was afraid of the idea of love; that warm feeling has threaten her frozen heart.” - Sauuvagee (on tumblr) When I think of the times I’ve been “in love” I realize many times that was not the case at all. How can you be in love with someone yet you’re holding back? Holding back words, feelings, actions... your authenticity. I used to refer to myself as an “Ice Princess”, that was many Moon’s ago, now I know how I’ve kept her with me and allowed her to grow; although I can now say the words, I love you; it’s mainly to family, not even friends and rarely to a lover. I know now that I am afraid of love, of truly, deeply, passionately, loving someone. I tried it before and to be honest it broke my heart. I thought beyond repair, but as they say “time heals all wounds”. Imagine being deeply in love with someone and in the midst of it all they pass away... how can a heart love after that? I thought I could, but I of

“fill your paper with the breathings of your heart.” - William Wordsworth Since the onset of mental illnesses and the events thereafter I have struggled with knowing the desires of my heart. I have learned myself in new ways; ways I am unsure I would've learned had I not experienced the things which brought me to the journey I find myself on. Recently, I've been thinking about happiness and what it means/ how it looks to me and I must admit it has been more difficult than I expected. As I spoke with my tarot reader not long ago; we discussed happiness and it was suggested that I may actually be afraid to be happy, which wasn't much of a surprise. I realized that quite some time ago, various series of events lead to the feelings I was associating as a side effect of being happy. I remembered at the time I was happiest however simultaneously I was being sabotaged in one area of life and betrayed in another; which lead to some of the saddest times of my life. The who,