in my bubble

Happy New Year!

After the diagnosis of cancer in Fall 2023 and experiencing a stroke last Summer, my prayers have been different. My level of gratitude and thankfulness with each new day has been over the Moon! As the year came to an end I prayed regarding boundaries, intentions [mine as well as those around me], goals I have in my heart to manifest and my decision making skills [for the new year and beyond]. I know God heard me and has been speaking to me through my algorithm on various social media platforms, in song lyrics, and the Cosmos [astrology, astronomy, and numerology]. Sending messages of confirmation, encouragement, and enlightenment; casting light into the shadows of various situations; in addition, I am listening. When I tell you, we were barely 2 days into the new year when doors began to open, while some were closed, permanently. I can say with certainty that closed doors will not be revisited going forward, I recognized the change in the season and transition or should I say, transformation? When the clock struck midnight on January 1, 2025 I was one step closer to the woman in my dreams. 

The other day I realized I've decided to celebrate my birthday all 2025; after the past 2 years I wasn’t confident that I’d see 45, so I’m going to truly enjoy myself! In all my years of writing I've never disclosed my actual age; I believe the most I've done was hint vaguely concerning being a child in the 80's. One of the gifts I've given to myself for my birthday is getting closer to obtaining my degrees as I've decided to double major; in Psychology and Philosophy. When I learned I could add a few more courses to earn a degree in Philosophy, I committed to a desire placed in my heart by God. I am beginning to believe I have discovered my passion or perhaps it's a project, maybe an "assignment". It's still coming together in my head and my heart, so I am being patient with myself; allowing God to nurture the seed that has been planted in both places. 

I've come across a couple messages suggesting to "gate keep" myself; as some of you who have been around for some time may know, I am mindful of oversharing. From experience I've spoken about things I was working on or had in mind and became discouraged after sharing my thoughts with others or I've had to overcome additional obstacles from the [negative] energy being emitted from someone I've shared my ideas with. Acknowledging how long it's been since my last expression I realized the amount of rest and healing I've undergone during this time. I am in awe of how much God loves me, the other day while reflecting on a recent situation I heard my higher self say "God don't play about you". Those words resonated with me in such a way that I believed them instantly, leaving little room for doubt to creep in. For some time now I have been awake or aware of "sacred time", as some of you may know, that is pre-dawn [4 a.m. until 6 a.m.] where it is believed to be a powerful time to strengthen your rapport with God. It is also believed to be the ideal time for heightened intuition, clarity, meditation, prayer and/ or reflection. 

As I stared at my drafts and asked God to direct my words, I heard my higher self say "it's time to go into your bubble". I've mentioned in previous expressions how I have a shaky memory when it comes to my childhood, just remembering bits and pieces. One bit I recall is a nickname, "Bubble", I haven't been called that in many Moons' but it has come to mind on occasion. I don't recall what it meant to me in my youth however, I have reassigned that place within me to a sacred space. When I am in my bubble, the outside noise is drowned out and I am truly in alignment with my self and God. Hibernating in a sense, until the goals have manifested into reality and I have accomplished what I've set out to do. Once I learned of the dates in which I can submit for transfer and graduation, it all became unmistakable... Then the scripture, Philippians 1:6 [NLT] came to mind, stating "And I am certain that God, who has began the good work within you, will continue His work until it is finally finished..." Conversations over the years with my nail technician contained moments of her reminding me of self-care and not overexerting myself with the wants and needs of others at the expense of myself. The stroke last Summer allowed me to finally listen to the words I had heard in the past. 

As I prepare for Spring semester I recognize the need and desire to hibernate inside my bubble [until graduation or God says otherwise]. Focusing on my self [mind, body, soul, and spirit], my goals, dreams, and healing. The concept of not pouring from an "empty" cup comes to mind and I am renewing myself daily with no capacity to pour into others as I am not in my "overflow" season. As a Capricorn [Sun sign] I am aware of my ambition and drive to not only succeed, but to do very well while I'm at it. Last semester I achieved a gpa of 4.0 as I earned the grades of A+ in both of the courses attempted. When I returned to college Fall 2022, I earned an A+ in my course and went on throughout the semester's with mostly A's and a B; until the cancer diagnosis caused me to fail a final and receive the grade of a C. When I learned I'd need surgery, chemotherapy, radiation, etc. I chose to withdraw from my Spring courses with the promise to return in Fall. Then life happened and I thought I wouldn't be able to return until Spring; but God had other plans and I returned in Fall as originally arranged. It surely paid off, because I discovered a passion I wasn't expecting; a desire to help in a way that only God could have placed in my heart.

A day or two ago I noticed a dime, at the time I didn't think much of it; until I decided to make a coffee run and saw another dime. After placing my order for coffee and an adjustment of ten cents (a dime) was calculated to my total I was lead to Google the significance of seeing dimes. According to Google "... seeing dimes is often interpreted as a sign of guidance, support, or a message from a loved one who has passed away, signifying that they are near and watching over you; the number 10 on a dime representing completion, unity, and a cycle coming full circle, encouraging you to trust your intuition and pay attention to your current situation." There was also information regarding positive affirmation, intuition, awareness, completion, and unity. Suggesting seeing dimes represent a positive message of encouragement, being on the "right path", having heightened intuition or the end of a situation. I resonated with the ideas of confirmation of the completion of a situation [mentioned above concerning closed doors] and an introduction to my ancestors, angels, and spirit guides. All concepts I have shied away from in the past as I was not spiritually mature enough to accept I could trust my discernment to know when to engage and when to request the energy to be released. 

Speaking of releasing energy, I said a prayer around the new year to release any and all energy that does not belong to me; and to return my energy that has been syphoned from me. As I typed the previous sentence, a song played that I'd assigned to an ancestor a long time ago when she passed on. I didn't completely know why at the time, and it's still a little fuzzy; but at the time it began I would hear a particular song and believed she was sending me a message that she was okay and she'd pass along my prayers...

Sometime between retrieving coffee and returning home another scripture came to mind; Jeremiah 29: 11- 13 [NIV] reminding me "For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Then you will call on me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart." With the randomness of this morning's playlist a spiritual song plays, worshipping God when I thought to take a sip of my coffee only to having a thought of it being too hot, so I looked at the time, to my surprise it was the numbers reflecting the time of my birth. A time significant for obvious reasons, but the not so obvious reason is the interactions I'd have with my Dad. Certain numbers specific to my birth such as the month and day, he'd send me a text or call at that time [on the dot] to let me know he was thinking of me. I cherish my memories of him and I pray he is well wherever his soul has decided to journey to; I'm still unsure about death and the afterlife so I send well wishes and prayers rather than attempt the mental gymnastics it takes to understand the realms in which God dwells in.  

Back to my bubble; hibernation has begun and I am centering my self; not in the way society considers self-centered or pretentious, but from a space of self-awareness or being self-focused. The idea of separation enters the chat, realizing the recent heartbreak of a closed door; yet knowing that it was for my highest good and would eventually hinder me from my assignment or purpose. The experience of being treated with disrespect, inconsideration, hurtful actions, and an unwillingness to communicate one's honest and true feelings or thoughts revealed something I thought, but wasn't certain of. When I was reminded of God's plans being without harm, I thought the heartbreak will heal and I will have grown from the experience [the positive aspects as well as the unprovoked treatment in the end]. One thing for sure and two things for certain, no one can pretend to be someone they aren't for very long. True colors always shine through; it's up to us to recognize red flags and believe what we see without rose colored glasses. Also, acknowledging my growth as the old me would have closed my heart with the door and vowed not to let anyone else get close to me as a way of "protecting" my heart.    

Showing my heart is a part of what makes me beautiful. For some, beauty is having no flaws; on the other hand I've learned to except and embrace my imperfections, while some will see my gifts and place me on a pedestal only to nitpick said imperfections to "expose" why I shouldn't be placed in the position they assigned. It's the nasty work of narcissism on some level, the eagerness to "humble" someone while coveting their possessions and/ or abilities is weird. Growth allows me to recognize weirdness and leave it right where it is; understanding when people are determined to trigger a reaction it is best to remove yourself from the equation without giving the satisfaction of being pulled out of character. So in my bubble I will remain, for the forseeable future; focused on the woman I am becoming while asking my higher self as I face what's to come "is this in alignment with the future I am co-creating?". If the answer is "no" I know to leave it where it stands and pivot towards my goals. Understanding the saying "God's redirection is not rejection", we are all unique and so is our individual journey; with God's direction the map of our journey is made clear, as Rumi says “As you start to walk on the way, the way appears.” which brings me full circle to my last expression in October 2024.  

Reflecting on "transparency: here again" I am reminded of my 17 year old self, beginning college as a Psychology major and here I am, all these years later combining my love of Psychology and Philosophy with a team of support and resources to succeed. In addition to a crucial factor I was unaware of all those years ago, my "why?" It is understood that knowing why you are doing something provides clarity of purpose, motivates action, increases engagement, helps you make informed decisions, and allows you to stay focused on what truly matters, especially when facing challenges or obstacles. Essentially, knowing your "why" acts as a guiding compass to navigate your actions and choices effectively. With this knowledge and understanding, I was able to feel my purpose in a way I had never felt before. Understanding the desire to counsel others is not simply something I'm good at, but possibly a part of why I was created and given various experiences resulting in wisdom concerning many things... 

Night has turned to day and the song playing reminds me to remain close to my dreams as a thought of a nap fills my mind and I am choosing to listen.