King Kamille

"fall in love with taking care of yourself. fall in love with the path of deep healing. fall in love with the best version of yourself, but with patience, with compassion and respect for your own journey." @spiritualmovement (instagram) I find myself in a familiar space and although I know its a test of my growth I find myself anxious and a bit weary of how things may go. Add to that the astroid Chiron has returned to it's direct position in the cosmos; if I've learned anything about Chiron, it is known as the wounded healer and from my experience will take you to some triggering spaces in order to heal past trauma. With that you have eclipses and the great conjunction happening December 21, 2020. I have so many things on my mind at any given moment I sometimes forget to check in with myself and not regress into some form of autopilot. I've been doing good at managing my stress, staying in tuned with my own energy and I even came one step closer to contacting my 

"  I am my own muse, I am the subject I know best. The subject I want to know better.”  Frida Kahlo Oftentimes, I find inspiration from within; usually from a song lyric or a quote. Times like now, I was writing on the other blog and I "lost" the inspiration to complete and share the entry. I felt as if I were rambling especially with the Sun in Scorpio and the Moon in Pisces (at the time) along with the Full Moon approaching. I was awakened by the itch of eczema on my hands and after applying the necessary creams and oils the itch was relieved, however, now I can't sleep. So I decided to write out some thoughts and see where they lead. Lately, I've been doing a lot of tarot readings for myself and the results have been extremely accurate. At one point it seemed as if the cards were quoting my blog entries verbatim; which was not surprising the way that I've been experiencing synchronicities and seeing angel numbers. I suppose with the Moon now in Aries, I&

  "sit, be still and listen" - Rumi Years ago I discovered what is believed to be " sacred time" ; which is the time of the day observed to honor God, however that is for you. I use that time to pray, meditate and focus on my hearts desires. I found that last part a bit difficult until recently, as I wrote before, I'm learning to dream and set goals again, taking much thought into where I see myself in years to come. The vision has yet to become clear, but I am having fun dreaming of various scenarios; even if God has something different in store. Over the years I've learned to leave room for God to guide me, taking heed to red flags, gut feelings and synchronicities. I also learned of a few tools such as my natal chart, astrology, astronomy, energy cleansing, chakras and tarot which assists with things my intuition leads me to. I find it fascinating when my tarot reader tells me something only I know about myself or a circumstance, whenever I have a deep ur

"start over, my darling. be brave enough to find the life you want and courageous enough to chase it. then start over and love yourself the way you were always meant to." Madalyn Beck After visiting my tarot reader again I found a bit more clarity in what the cards along with various synchronicities were telling me. It seems I've come full circle from the incidents which caused my mental health concerns and I am now facing some of those same triggers; I suppose as a test to measure the lessons learned. As I've written before I find myself on an unfamiliar path, the goals and dreams I'd set for myself hit a stumbling block when the onset of mental illness entered the picture. Now I have to think of new goals and dreams for my future and that at times seems a bit impossible. I guess being a particular age and starting over is not that uncommon, yet to me it feels foreign. I've managed to think of a few goals and I am currently working towards them however dreams

“from understanding comes love” Rumi  The other week my therapist said I made enough progress to end our sessions. She also stated that I could call her if necessary; I don't quite know how I feel about that, I guess you can say I'm still processing.  For a few days I thought of all the conversations I should've had with her, they seemed trivial at the time, but now they have feelings or emotions attached and I feel as if I should hash them out with someone other than friends. I used to do that a lot, hold onto things I felt I should say yet the timing was never right to do so, at least from my perspective. I'm beginning to wonder if I should call her and speak on the things swirling around in my head. I feel a void and I don't know which direction it's coming from. Perhaps because my Dad's birthday just passed and he was not here to celebrate what would've been his 60th; along with the fact my Grandmother's 90th birthday passed recently and she also

  “Tell me where you go in these silences  and I will say if I have been there.”    — Naomi Shihab Nye As "bulletproof soul" plays in the background thoughts of you resurface, I wonder where you are or what you are doing that keeps you away from me. We've taken time apart before, but somehow this feels different; more permanent. I ask myself if I should text or call and the answer keeps coming up "no", I don't know if you want to hear from me or where things would go past "hello". So I leave things as they are, silent. My heart is full yet there's still a space with your name on it and I don't know what to do with it. How do I erase what you mean to me or whether I should even think that thought. I keep saying "one day I'll..." yet that one day hasn't come. Maybe the days are supposed to go by one at a time until the thoughts of you no longer jar me. Maybe like the song says (paraphrased) I'm haunting you the same way

  “Every human heart cries and yearns for the same thing: a chance to fulfill his or her own dreams and desires...” Myles Munroe Still buzzing from the concoction of marijuana strains in my system I thought of various hopes, dreams and ideas I have as well as projects I am working on and I began to wonder is my heart truly yearning or crying for these things to manifest? I feel silly posing that question, because I know that it does; and has been for quite some time. The heaviest is to write a book, however the direction has changed multiple times since the original idea came to mind. I find myself sitting in front of the computer, overwhelmed with thoughts of where and how to begin. I thought to focus on one chapter at a time, but I still feel as if I need direction. I may have mentioned it in a previous post about my recent reading with my tarot reader, where he told me I need to stop second guessing myself and trust myself more than I do currently. I suppose that's how this entr

I just smoked a strain called Golden Ticket  and instantly felt compelled to write; that's rarely happened with the exception of  Blue Dream  and Space Queen  both of which have become favorites of mine. I learned of this strain from a friend who referred to it as "everything I want in my marijuana" with that being said I was super excited when I found it, after looking for several months. I recently took an impromptu staycation to Las Vegas, and enjoyed a bit of shopping and visiting with family, although it wasn't a tropical resort the relaxation was much needed. That is until pains crept up in my back from driving the distance; almost immediately I paid a visit to my chiropractor and later attempted to schedule an appointment for a massage, which unfortunately did not happen as planned. I did however see the Sun as it was setting and the sky was this amazing color pink; mixed with various hues of blue, orange and purple. Although a bit bittersweet because much of

Lately, I've been writing about my thoughts; for a change I thought I'd write about my feelings. I've been feeling this overwhelming sense of connectedness,  I can only attempt to put it into words, but I'll try. As many of you may have read in previous expressions I've had feelings of happiness for quite some time, now it's morphing into a type of love I had yet to experience. I know it's a reflection of the level of self-care and self-love I've been pouring into myself which makes me want to give myself even more of my attention. Once I started focusing on myself more I've felt this sense of being in tune that allows my gifts and attributes to shine (imo). I used to think it was selfish to focus so much on myself, then I read a quote some time ago which (I'm paraphrasing) said something to the effect of "stop contacting them first and watch you'll never hear from them". So I eased up with checking on people who weren't necessa

 “And I dream too much and I don’t write enough and I’m trying to find God everywhere.” Anis Mojgai I was able to complete eight days on the master cleanse ; however I intend to begin again, hopefully with more determination.  I'm looking forward to seeing the results yet I have not been as committed as I expected to be. I now see the importance of easing in rather than "diving in head first". I think since I didn't ease in the desire to eat was a bit more challenging than previous attempts; funny thing is, I don't quite recall what I did in the beginning of those cleanses. I do however remember the outcome, which was weight loss in the amount of sixty pounds. Thinking back on that time in my life is bittersweet because I was the happiest I'd been in a very long time, I was thriving in my career and although there were some set backs as well as sabotage resulting in the onset of anxiety disorder . I suppose this is coming out because the date of said event has

“You must face annihilation over and over again to find what is indestructible in yourself .”     - Pema Chodron As you may recall I began the  master cleanse  about a week ago and to say this has been the most difficult one  would be an understatement. I realize the importance of easing in; on day 5 I had yet to get through the day without eating something, no matter how small the proportion. I learned around the second or third cleanse that I tend to be an emotional eater; so once a day I allowed myself a bite or two to get totally in tune with why I’ve chosen to complete the cleanse at this time as well as listening to my doubts and reassuring myself through the fears. I no longer criticize myself for that choice; especially during the first few days. Approaching day 6 felt like day 1; unlike my first few cleanses  years ago. I believe I had a different mindset then, not to mention I was nearly a decade younger. After being inactive for the past few years have started to show and it

“Don’t forget to love her. The little girl you used to be. Perhaps She lies within you. Untucked. Sleeping peacefully.” “Nurture.” By Kiana Llanos It took me awhile to embody this quote; until in meditation I asked her, my inner child, “what do you need?”. What happened from there made me realize how much growth I’ve experienced in the past few years. I think by asking that question then being silent as she told me areas where I could put more attention towards myself I was at peace. I felt myself untucked, loved and appreciated. I realized all of these years focusing on self-care and self-love is finally beginning to show. Recently I had a conversation with someone and they mentioned me having a “glow” about me. I was ecstatic; mainly because that’s one of the goals I set for myself after so many terrible years dealing with mental issues. I let myself dim, for various reasons; all of which have been placed in their proper context. I feel anew; as if I’m on the horizon of another goal

“Do not love half lovers Do not entertain half friends  Do not indulge in works of the half talented Do not live half a life  and do not die a half death If you choose silence, then be silent When you speak, do so until you are finished Do not silence yourself to say something And do not speak to be silent” ~ Half A Life by Khali Gibran As you may know I’ve been more active with the blog, until recently when I had an encounter with someone who suggested I’m “too open”; I took a few days to contemplate those words. Unbeknownst to them I have been dealing with my issue of holding back, which interestingly enough was also mentioned by the same person not so long ago; when I shared a few of my previous blog entries . I was confused and a bit discouraged to continue when I realized, that’s their perception which deep down has nothing to do with me; even more so because the person making these “observations” chooses not to read the expressions I publish. I then had to look at myself and ask,