King Kamille

  "sit, be still and listen" - Rumi Years ago I discovered what is believed to be " sacred time" ; which is the time of the day observed to honor God, however that is for you. I use that time to pray, meditate and focus on my hearts desires. I found that last part a bit difficult until recently, as I wrote before, I'm learning to dream and set goals again, taking much thought into where I see myself in years to come. The vision has yet to become clear, but I am having fun dreaming of various scenarios; even if God has something different in store. Over the years I've learned to leave room for God to guide me, taking heed to red flags, gut feelings and synchronicities. I also learned of a few tools such as my natal chart, astrology, astronomy, energy cleansing, chakras and tarot which assists with things my intuition leads me to. I find it fascinating when my tarot reader tells me something only I know about myself or a circumstance, whenever I have a deep ur

"start over, my darling. be brave enough to find the life you want and courageous enough to chase it. then start over and love yourself the way you were always meant to." Madalyn Beck After visiting my tarot reader again I found a bit more clarity in what the cards along with various synchronicities were telling me. It seems I've come full circle from the incidents which caused my mental health concerns and I am now facing some of those same triggers; I suppose as a test to measure the lessons learned. As I've written before I find myself on an unfamiliar path, the goals and dreams I'd set for myself hit a stumbling block when the onset of mental illness entered the picture. Now I have to think of new goals and dreams for my future and that at times seems a bit impossible. I guess being a particular age and starting over is not that uncommon, yet to me it feels foreign. I've managed to think of a few goals and I am currently working towards them however dreams

“from understanding comes love” Rumi  The other week my therapist said I made enough progress to end our sessions. She also stated that I could call her if necessary; I don't quite know how I feel about that, I guess you can say I'm still processing.  For a few days I thought of all the conversations I should've had with her, they seemed trivial at the time, but now they have feelings or emotions attached and I feel as if I should hash them out with someone other than friends. I used to do that a lot, hold onto things I felt I should say yet the timing was never right to do so, at least from my perspective. I'm beginning to wonder if I should call her and speak on the things swirling around in my head. I feel a void and I don't know which direction it's coming from. Perhaps because my Dad's birthday just passed and he was not here to celebrate what would've been his 60th; along with the fact my Grandmother's 90th birthday passed recently and she also

  “Tell me where you go in these silences  and I will say if I have been there.”    — Naomi Shihab Nye As "bulletproof soul" plays in the background thoughts of you resurface, I wonder where you are or what you are doing that keeps you away from me. We've taken time apart before, but somehow this feels different; more permanent. I ask myself if I should text or call and the answer keeps coming up "no", I don't know if you want to hear from me or where things would go past "hello". So I leave things as they are, silent. My heart is full yet there's still a space with your name on it and I don't know what to do with it. How do I erase what you mean to me or whether I should even think that thought. I keep saying "one day I'll..." yet that one day hasn't come. Maybe the days are supposed to go by one at a time until the thoughts of you no longer jar me. Maybe like the song says (paraphrased) I'm haunting you the same way