King Kamille

"she may not understand the world, but she understands herself. and that's the most divine thing about her"  unknown I've been thinking a lot about my purpose again; this time allowing myself to embody whatever it is that my spirit knows. I found myself looking for inspiration; not only in writing, but in life in general. I now know why it took so long between expressions recently; I was not inspired to write, not even in my personal journals. I haven't written in them for quite some time; then I found a hybrid strain called Dream Walker (Blue Dream x Skywalker OG)  which is said to have the effects of blissfulness and creativity. After smoking that last week the words found me. I was thinking and feeling emotions I thought were healed; in some ways they were, but in other ways I still have some growing to do. I used to have some regrets, when they resurfaced I saw angles in which I had never thought of before. I had been  "beating myself up" for a dec...

"She didn't quite know what the relationship was between lunatics and the Moon, but it must be a strong. one, if they used a word like that to describe the insane." Paulo Coelho I am thankful to God for answering my prayers. Moving shows you a lot, about yourself, your strength, your tribe, etc. I feel as I enter a new chapter of this life I find myself ready to dig deeper into my being; I am at a point where I want to know myself fully. As the years passed and various health issues have caused some weight gain I believed that the attributes that made me "pretty" were buried underneath. I know I'm at a place to make improvements in my thinking because I am finally willing to admit it in an outlet I feel safest. I've been "dieting" for years, switching things up; taking things out yet the pounds have remained. I am grateful to say they haven't increased, but they haven't decreased significantly. Until recently slimming down by approximat...

As I've written in previous post I am thankful to have various outlets to express myself; especially when I am going through things I find less than desirable. I'm all out of golden ticket (insert sad face here)   and I don't know when I'll have more, so I found my faithful blue dream and I realize that my troubles can wait a day. I enjoyed my Sunday and marveled at the Full Moon, which was so big and bright; I nearly missed it thinking it was something else. I blame the drugs; like Katt Williams says in one of his stand-up comedy shows, weed has an ingredient called "fuck it",  today as I allowed the smoke to clear my mind I find myself a bit better than I've been all week. I let out a deep breath and thought "fuck these problems" ; worrying has only made me feel worse, so in order to get my desired outcome I much change my mood and vibrate at a higher frequency. I believe that will help, changing my mindset about the problem altogether; like ...

I was in the presence of the Full Moon for a few days  allowing myself to tap into my core self and analyze some thoughts as well as emotions. I sat under the Sky with music and marijuana, specifically Golden Ticket and Blue Dream strains; and at times I sat there in silence, meditating and praying. I felt a level of clarity that I know I grew into, understanding myself in a different light yet feeling connected to everything. I'm sure it had much to do with The Great Conjunction  and all of the magical energy swirling around the atmosphere ever since. Along with the New Year and all of the hopes, dreams and opportunities in mind during such time. I've been anticipating the New Year for many months now; as I am learning my gifts I am at a space where I trust myself and my knowing of things a lot more than in previous years. I was looking forward to the New Moon in Capricorn, from what I read it seems this New Moon is in alignment with many of my recent writings; such as ackn...

As of late I’ve been adjusting to various changes in my life; including my mental health treatment strategies. After discontinuing my meds for a while I decided it was time to lower my dosage while micro-dosing medical marijuana, which brings me to my recent concoction:  Blackwater , Black Jack , Mimosa , Sherberry Pie and Sour Diesel  all of which cause various effects that I’m growing accustomed to. Many of the strains mentioned produce happiness, euphoria and uplifting effects; which are wonderfully a part of my current state of mind.  Over the years with mental illnesses I’ve learned a lot about marijuana and how it helps me balance my emotions and such. One thing I did not expect from this cocktail has been a major enhancement to my ability to focus as well as create. For about 5 years I smoked sativa later preferring hybrids, which to me is good for the various conditions I face. I suppose there are many ways to think of marijuana as well as the philosophy asso...

“Surround yourself with the things you love. Discard the rest.”   Kate Spade I feel as if I’ve had a rebirth of sorts, with Saturn   Pluto   Jupiter   Neptune  and Chiron in retrograde I’ve taken some time to revisit the meanings and effects of each. As I was reminded of some things I discovered why I’ve been feeling the way I have regarding matters of my heart, health and spirituality. I’ve also been studying my natal/ birth chart which seems to feel like the first time each time I read it. As I’ve learned the different aspects of myself I’ve learned to expect positive experiences when retrogrades occur. I wrote recently about not recalling the steps I took to lead me out of depression and into happiness and the above quote helped a lot. I started outward with candles and decorating then moved within to my thoughts and intentions. I devoted myself to the philosophy of self-love and self-care.  I began to nurture my inner child and re-examine the voids or a...

“And suddenly you know: It's time to start something new and trust the magic of beginnings.”  Meister Eckhart One thing I've learned has been to trust new beginnings, giving them room for something different; hopefully something better to occur in my life. I've learned that although some things may look similar to something in the past it is also a chance to put all of the "lessons learned" to use; as well as embrace a new experience. I think with so much of my focus on things causing nostalgia it's great to look forward to things, setting new goals and leaving self open to evolving or being enlightened. I think that's what I'm looking forward to in the present moment; chances to be enlightened along this new journey I find myself on.  Lately, there have been plenty of earthquakes near my area , add to that the recent Solar Eclipse, several planets in retrograde and the approaching Lunar Eclipse in the coming weeks. All of that feels like ...

With nearly every planet in retrograde ( Jupiter , Pluto , Saturn and Uranus  with Neptune going retrograde June 18- November 27), I am currently feeling a bit out of sorts; I guess you can say. Add into the mix this past weekends New Moon, I feel as if I have been sent into orbit. There's a gleeful expression awaiting the words to describe the feeling. However, I don't really know how to be happy anymore; blame bipolar disorder or the circumstances over the past 7 years... Like that quote says, "we all have chapters we don't read aloud" , I sporadically have flashbacks of specific periods where I was either nearly homeless or committed to psych wards and the events leading up to those times as well as the people who played a certain role in those situations. I try to forgive, and to some extent I have, then I think about where I am today; although everything isn't "blue skies and rainbows" , thankfully they aren't as bleak as they once wer...

As I was preparing for the month of March and navigating through the chaos that is my life, I sought out to find a "flowery" photo to highlight the approach of Spring (pictured to the left) in alignment with all of it’s refreshing "new beginning" energy; however seeing the photo I posted on my Instagram account sparked a thought, or more so a challenge to myself and I decided to share. As I am attempting to find balance, healing, understanding and so on I want to make sure that I am also growing- mentally, emotionally, spiritually as well as intellectually. Remembering my life before the anxiety attack and subsequent diagnosis of anxiety disorder I have always been a “nerd”. I enjoy learning and researching the origin of things I find interesting. However after developing the various disorders and conditions I have had a few occurrences where i was not in my “right state of mind”; but thats a story for another day. Nevertheless, since the last experience I make a...

"the heart is the secret inside the secret" Rumi It's always interesting when the Moon effects me; especially during the New Moon.  I feel so open and free; unlike other Moon phases.  I haven't decoded exactly how or why things differ, but it always comes to mind during the Full Moon. At times I find myself confused by these differences and how they are so drastic. It's fascinating because not only do I feel these influences differently during each respective phase, but it is extremely different as I've grown in age as well as spiritually. To the point  I find myself over-thinking what to share and how much to keep to myself.  I suspect it is because the desire to share violates my overprotective need for privacy. A s I shared in  Black with Some Blues   the Full Lunar Eclipse Moon in Leo made a point to highjack my feelings in such a way that I was forced to not only face them, also to deal with them.  I have been thinking a lot about my ...

" You are the Soul of the Soul of the  Universe and your name is Love. "  ~ Rumi As we find ourselves further into Mercury Retrograde in Capricorn , the New Moon in Capricorn and Capricorn Season . I find that I have been anticipating this cosmic cocktail of energy for a few months now.  As I deal with various conditions and circumstances as a result of my new life (with mental illness ) I have noticed areas where I have grown spiritually; as well as personally. I find myself discovering a developing voice from within which has allowed me to truly hear and know what I need (body, mind, soul and/ or spirit).  As I reflect upon this year, a couple things stand out more than any other; one of which is that I spend a lot of time alone, often times in silence.  I am naturally introverted (blame my Capricorn Sun, Aquarius Moon and other aspects of my natal chart lmao), something about solitude and the quietness that comes along with it has brought ab...