Mysteries Of My Heart

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" I am my own muse, I am the subject I know best. The subject I want to know better.” 

Frida Kahlo

Oftentimes, I find inspiration from within; usually from a song lyric or a quote. Times like now, I was writing on the other blog and I "lost" the inspiration to complete and share the entry. I felt as if I were rambling especially with the Sun in Scorpio and the Moon in Pisces (at the time) along with the Full Moon approaching. I was awakened by the itch of eczema on my hands and after applying the necessary creams and oils the itch was relieved, however, now I can't sleep. So I decided to write out some thoughts and see where they lead.

Lately, I've been doing a lot of tarot readings for myself and the results have been extremely accurate. At one point it seemed as if the cards were quoting my blog entries verbatim; which was not surprising the way that I've been experiencing synchronicities and seeing angel numbers. I suppose with the Moon now in Aries, I'm feeling a bit restless and I am not completely sure why that is. Another thing I've been doing has been massaging my third eye; then I indulged in a strain called "Golden Dream" and that it is, I've had the most vivid dreams even seeing loved ones who have passed on. As I said on an instagram post, I felt the sensation of tingles up my spine until they reached my brain and began massaging each part. I will admit, that doesn't happen often; but with a true sativa I'll get that effect which is quite delightful. Which reminds me of the following quote:"Enter the ruins of your heart, and learn the meaning of humility. Close both eyes and see the mysteries of your inner eye."- Rumi.

I feel as if I've entered a different part of myself and perhaps that's why the other post needed a break as I merged the parts of myself from the ruins of my heart and the mysteries of my inner eye. At times, as a Capricorn (Sun sign) it is difficult to understand the workings of my heart, seeing how I'm usually "in my head". I think that's why I've had much difficulty in searching for the desires of my heart, past writing. I think it's the safest thing to share on here, that I desire to write; which seems self explanatory. My other desire is to know myself, to the point I study my natal chart often and even looked up the phase of the Moon at my time of birth to gain more insight. Outside of that I draw a blank, searching for meaning or purpose especially when getting to know more about soul contracts and such. I have many questions on that topic yet no one to discuss it with; I figure the answers will come to me in the appropriate time so I take my thoughts to other places.

Recently, I've been cleansing my heart; focusing on past hurts and heartbreaks and releasing them. Releasing the feelings and emotions connected to those experiences which are no longer for my highest good. I feel a bit lighter, reconciling those feelings took a lot of energy, but it felt like the right time to let it all go. In freeing that space I hope to learn more about what makes my heart beat. I think I want to know what else my heart desires past the two things mentioned above, then I think of love...

I think that's the topic I avoid on the blog, although I feel as if I share my personal life; I know I keep much of my self to myself. I feel as if I may have lost sight of my passion, I am not sure what I am passionate about. I used to be passionate about my health and fitness, a lover, my career and such, I suppose as those things came to an end I misplaced my passion for things. I don't know if I am as passionate as I should be about my heart's desires which may be why I found it difficult to tap into those things. In this moment I feel as if a desire of my heart is to be in love, I feel as if I'm overflowing with love to give and receive in return. I'm beginning to feel as if I am finally ready to take my tarot readers advice and truly open myself to the possibility of meeting someone new. I don't recall the last time I felt this way or if I ever have, but sharing this with you all will assist in it's manifestation. I am not in a rush for this to happen, but I am looking forward to it. Now I'm sitting here listening to music and waiting for this edible to kick in, still no sleep in sight. Part of me thinks if I get in bed and turn the lights and music off I may drift off to sleep while the other part of me doubts that would be the case. 

I did just that; as I laid there in silence I thought of many things to share, but as I drifted off to sleep they were lost in my dreams. Another day passes and the thought of love is still heavy on my mind. Perhaps its the approach of the winter season that's got me feeling this way, or maybe it's just the way the stars have aligned. I felt a clarity after the Full Moon came and went; as if there were blockages which needed to be released with my affirmations and mantras. I feel as if expressing these thoughts in such a public way I am co-creating with the Universe that which I am discovering to be my passions and desires. I am looking forward to learning this aspect of myself and excited to see things unfold and how much I will share with you all...

Then I saw a quote that pretty much sums it all up-

"Keep love in your heart. A life without it is like a sunless garden when the flowers are dead. The consciousness of loving and being loved brings a warmth and richness to life that nothing else can bring"- Oscar Wilde

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