new dreams

I had a cough for about a month or so; which contributed to my lack of expressions on the blogs and social media. I am much better now, which lets me know that it was not anything to be concerned about. Since I was monitoring my cough I choose not to smoke marijuana during that time, I noticed a difference in myself when I was "sober"; I've learned a few things about some habits I have that I need to "break", I've also learned to acknowledge my value and how I see myself. I believe during my impromptu tolerance break I took a dive into my self; I thought a bit about what my passions are and what new dreams I may have. I did notice a change in my dreams while sleeping, the day dreams have almost remained the same. I feel as if a new life is awaiting me, a life I will be happy in and find passion and joy. I also gave thought into what inspires me since what used to inspire doesn't have that effect any longer. A while ago there was a night where a peaceful rain showered my neighborhood, it was delightful. With the New Moon, I felt as if the past (up until this point) was being washed away and with the dawning of the Sun new goals and dreams were being formed. As New Moon's symbolize new beginnings I felt it divine that my tolerance break ended at this time. Then I studied a tarot spread which focuses on the New Moon in Libra and asks about harmony, balance and companionship, all areas I've been giving much thought to. The cards drawn to me were loving and "coincidentally" in alignment with my recent thoughts and feelings, especially after recognizing areas in need of work. I couldn't sleep that night, the rain was too nice and I had a lot on my mind; then inspiration came and I decided to write. 

I intended to be social last month, with a wedding and a couple gatherings scheduled; I began to feel anxiety and then I allowed it to show me what was necessary for me to deal with and move past those feelings. I allowed the anxiety to transmute into excitement, since I am happy for the people beginning a new chapter in their lives as well as the one I feel on the horizon for myself. As I drifted off to sleep I kept thinking about winning the lottery. I feel like its a sign for me to play, I think I'm waiting on the right energy to do so; I figure I'm not ready to play as long as I have doubts about winning. I'm praying for the right time and place to make my move, that way I feel as though I'd be sure to win. Aside from a few purchases for myself I'd do good with the abundance, when I finally went to sleep I had pleasant dreams about just that. I've been in my feelings a lot lately, thinking about what I want for the near future and at times I draw a blank while other times I know exactly what I'd like to happen. I feel as if it's in those moments I am manifesting my reality. I was happy to hear the differences in myself have been noticeable. Seeing how I spend a lot of time and energy on self-improvement, it's always nice when it becomes clear to others as well. I began therapy recently and I will admit it has been helping me keep myself balanced. 

As John Coltrane plays in the background I feel mellow, I attribute that to the Golden Ticket; cannabis oil I added to my coffee the past couple of days. As I dive deep into my thoughts I realize an area where I feel overwhelmed, now that I am aware of this I can find ways to alleviate the anxiety surrounding it. Today I am reminded of a friend who was so instrumental in my growth as it is his birthday; yet he isn't here to celebrate it. The past few night's I've enjoyed the Crescent Moon. I love the Moon through all of her phases, however this time the energy of the Crescent Moon hit me differently. I felt more in tuned with myself; if a new and refreshing way. It's been a while since I've shared and I will admit, it feels a bit odd as the words flow together differently from my mind to my fingers as I type them. Faced with various distractions I am glad to be able to share again, along with therapy, I find it therapeutic. I hope you all are well, I don't know about you, but I'm looking forward to preparing for the New Year. I want to get more focused on my goals and dreams next year; well, beginning now throughout the New Year. I like this feeling, it feels like possibility and opportunity; as if there has been a transformation of sorts. As if I can feel my "glow up" approaching, with adding more fitness into my lifestyle and adjusting various self-care as well as dietary products. I've learned the long and hard way of crash dieting and how it does not work well for me, now that I am seeing results from the changes I've made; I am encouraged to continue. 

To be continued...