Happy Birthday, to Me

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As a new year has begun I am feeling renewed, more focused on my self as well as motivated to accomplish various manifestations I have in my heart. I can feel myself letting go of previous desires while embracing new ones. 2021 taught me quite a few lessons and made me come to a few realizations. I intend to use the lessons learned to create a wonderful 2022, leaving behind all of the things which no longer serve me. With perfect timing the Full Moon approaches at this moment, encouraging us to do just that, set intentions while letting go. Steely Dan is playing in the background and the aroma of Animal Mints fills the air; I feel as if I've been in a similar space before, where my soul is urging me to begin again. To access certain situations which affected my mood and how I began to dwell in the outcomes of a couple relationships. 

I find it's been a bit easier than it was initially, where I thought of all the possibilities lost rather than the newfound opportunities that await. Now the sound of Pink Floyd sets the mood and I feel great! I had a good day, I feel as if I was successful in obtaining positive results regarding a matter that suddenly appeared in my life. I later completed a tarot spread that was uplifting and encouraging, the cards seemed to be aligned along with the Moon to my inner most thoughts, prayers and wishes. Sleep seems to be the last thing on my mind as I dive into my imagination and sort though what I find. I am anticipating a social gathering scheduled for a few days from now, a celebration of life; which is always a joy. I'm also anticipating becoming another year older, wondering what's in the stars for me this year. 

Wanting to add the smell of vanilla to the mix, I allow the music to take over; Goapele's "Closer" is playing and I love this song because the lyrics speaks to me intentions; encouraging me to continue to press forward toward my goals and dreams. I recently changed my jewelry from black onyx to pink sapphire, prior to making that decision I felt as if I'd gone through a portal; coming out in a different mindset and a transformed heart. After making the switch I began to feel lighter, more grounded and in tune with my self. I'd been avoiding certain spaces in my heart, almost afraid of what I may discover still brewing in there. In meditation I found pieces of my self that needed some love and attention, so that's exactly what I am giving.  Learning more each day to nurture my self and give the necessary attention to various aspects of who I am. As I massage my third eye I am compelled to paint; I feel inspired to be creative in an expression I have yet to discover. I'm not very good at drawing, but I want to teach my self in this moment. 

That's another thing I'm working on, living in the moment; which also helps with anxiety. Now I want a snack; I think I actually have the munchies; it's funny because that hasn't happened to me in quite some time. After raiding the kitchen to quench my appetite I allowed days to pass and to my surprise I painted something, I stayed up and watched as midnight came on my birthday; I had a difficult day yesterday, but I am certain things will work themselves out to the highest good of all involved. Which becomes a lesson or maybe a test on letting go of preconceived ideas regarding certain outcomes. One thing I've already done differently this year is I'm allowing friends to celebrate my birthday with me; usually my tradition has been to spend my birthday with my self, but this year a friend asked and I actually said "yes". 

So here's to doing things differently and allowing ourselves to be celebrated and loved; beginning with receiving that from ourselves first. I asked my self what I wanted to do, shortly after I found my self rolling a blunt and packing a bowl. I also want coffee, but then I think I'd stay up all morning and I have a somewhat long day ahead so that's not my ideal choice of beverages at this moment. I switched from Animal Mints to Blue Dream, which some of you know is my favorite strain (next to Golden Ticket). I set the intention in December 2021 to have it for New Year's Eve as well as for my birthday; and the Universe came through in a very unique way, which still leaves me in awe. That's the thing about small miracles; for me it seems you have to believe and have faith in the little ones which helps manifest the big ones. Once again I remembered the hash for my bowl which sends me to another space in my being. Beginning to feel happy, a feeling I havent felt for a short while. 

In this moment I am thankful for where I am today and grateful for guidance I've received thus far. I feel as if a bright future is awaiting me. I can admit, I haven't always felt that way; there's something different going on inside my heart and soul today. It feels as if they are aligning in a new way. Being able to recognize my own behaviors has been helpful these past few years, I feel as if the lessons learned has been downloaded into my being in order to assist in preventing similar mishaps. As I meditate and reflect on my life up until this point I feel introspective, like I have a new understanding of my self. That also makes me happy, which is a word I don't use often; I am not completely sure way. All I know is it is a space I would like to dwell in for an extended period of time, but then time is a man  made construct. As Donald Byrd plays I am feeling a bit carefree; the song seems uplifting and encouraging to move past obstacles with ease and grace. I am learning that lesson as I type.

Soon after the song ended, read a meme which says "you have been shaken out of your comfort zone; the Universe is inviting you to grow. allow this process to take place. you are so strong, don't lose sight of what is meant for you", author unknown.  I feel like that explains the feelings from earlier. I am open to growth, in all aspects of my being; I've felt that way before, many Moon's ago during a time when things had fallen apart and came together so beautifully. I suppose I fear that once things come together beautifully, something comes along and tears it apart again. I'm working on overcoming that fear and not allowing anxiety to harp on it. I hope you all have a wonderful day; until next time.



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