King Kamille

 "be silent, only the hands of God can remove the burdens of your heart." Rumi It's been nearly two weeks and I did not want to write, it wasn't a case of writer's block; it was more like processing this thing I now call life. I've been told in as much time that I'm not showcasing my usual "positive" outlook, as it seems some around me aren't handling it well that I am not as optimistic as I once was. The reality of my conditions are overwhelming me, I feel as if my heart is burdened and I don't exactly know how to put those burdens in the hands of God. To an extent I feel as if I don't know the lesson I am supposed to be learning in this phase of my life, I won't go into karma because I am not so sure I believe in the concept then to think about what I may or may not "deserve"; the thought leaves my mind as quickly as it entered. What does anyone "deserve" ? Nevertheless, here we are and I am faced with tou...

I've decided to cut my hair and begin wearing my unit until I figure out the next steps. It took a few days to accept the loss of my hair, and a whole lot of reefer; Peaches and Cream to be exact to make the decision to move forward rather than wallow in the grief of what is becoming my life. I recall many Moon's ago, when I was first diagnosed with anxiety disorder; I made it clear to myself that I did not want to have a tub of medications for various ailments, one creating the need for the other due to side effects and such. Although I don't remember much of my childhood, I do remember witnessing or maybe observing that lifestyle and I knew at a young age that I wanted no parts of it. Now I find myself with major illness, faced with the question of how to or where to go from here and I am scared. Scared of making poor decisions concerning my mortality and quality of life.  Since I am scheduled for treatment this coming week I figure I would speak with my doctor and figur...

The day after my first chemotherapy session went surprisingly well, that was until the time released medication hit me and I forgot the instructions to pre-medicate; causing me to have excruciating pain in my lower body. I've never experienced the sensation of my bones hurting! Then by the time I thought that would end I began to feel pains similar to an epidural at which point I contacted triage and they reminded me of the step I missed. Since incorporating that forgotten step I've been feeling better, with no pain.  Those days of pain were so uncomfortable I could not express it on the blogs, I just had to suffer through it until I was aware of my misstep and able to correct it.  Needless to I have yet to join the gym... I've been bored a lot lately, especially since withdrawing from my Spring courses.  For me these days my main interest is my health… I have the same interests it’s just that I hate going everywhere alone. Now that I have to deal with cancer, my mortalit...