Summer Moon's

For the past several evenings I have been attempting to schedule a date with the Moon. As we near the beginning of Summer the Moonrise becomes later and later into the wee hours of the morning, which is far too late/early for me to be out alone, so each night I dread sleep because I'd rather be gazing at the miraculous glow of the Moon. Especially after such a beautiful Full Moon days ago. My love for the Moon began officially one quiet Summer in the 1990's (South Central, Los Angeles). I don't quite remember the details, but what I do remember,  I won't forget. I believe the Moon was Full and I was outside awaiting my laundry. I stood there looking at one of the biggest, brightest Moon's I've ever seen (that I can recall). I was in Love. I'd never felt that way about anything and I knew I wanted to have that feeling included in my life from that day forward. The bond I have with the Moon is indescribable; the love and admiration along with trust and safety. It means more than words can express...

I wrote before going to bed last night, as I continued writing I recalled another interaction which may have influenced this encounter some years later. 1992, my Grandmother and I moved; closer to other family members, it just so happened to be on my birthday that year which is why I think I'll always remember. The year was nice until April when Los Angeles experienced the riots following the Rodney King situation; I suppose during the adult conversations it was planned that my Grandmother, a couple of my cousin's and myself would take a vacation that Summer. We arrive in Alabama sometime between July and August, I know because this is when Mary J. Blige's "What's the 411?" was released along with a few TLC's songs in heavy rotation on BET and all of the other Summer shows targeted at my age group. I enjoyed meeting various family members and exploring the town. It was interesting for me because typically I'd be alone, since I was still an only child at this point. So the cousin's and I split off into age appropriate groups and did our own things. I was enjoying myself up until a night at the Community Center of sorts when some boys turned out the lights and chased us around the building; something I had never experienced up until then. I remember some boy touching me and I screamed, shortly after the lights were back on and I was ready to go. Not just from the center, but from Alabama and everything included. I completely shut down and didn't leave the house for a while; I didn't realize how obvious I was being that something was wrong even though I couldn't exactly express what I was upset about, that is until one of my cousin's who lived in Alabama made me get dressed and took me to a Community Swimming Pool. 

While there we met these two young men who I learned were complete gentlemen, we all hung out a lot during the Summer until it was almost time for me to return to California. I don't remember the details of that interaction, I just remember it being old fashioned and romantic, I remember walks and conversations; although I do not recall the words. And within it all I know that the Moon was shining down absorbing it all. It wasn't until this morning that I had a moment of a flashback as I never think of that Summer anymore. However now I somewhat understand what I feel lately, nostalgia. I feel as if I am longing for something I've experienced before; I just don't know all of the components or how it makes sense given my current mental health issues. I do know that this past month or so I have been obsessed with a few things, more than usual and I feel as if my Soul is trying to tell me something or perhaps share something with me that my natural eyes aren't able to see. I feel as if I want to explore, that is until the fear of uncertainty jumps in and takes my mind on a roller coaster of possibilities. I don't know why suddenly childhood memories are flooding my mind; then again I think I do. It all started late last year or early this year when I was inspired to begin my inner child work, something I had been avoiding since I learned the term.

I won't go into all of that now, I'd rather bask in the memory of those two Summer's and how they sparked Love in an otherwise frozen heart (lol, it's a long story). Nonetheless, those experiences left a lasting impression; leaving me now searching for a date and time when the Moon is cooperating at a respectable hour in the night's sky where I can sit under the stars and share my thoughts, feelings, dreams and desires and hear the whispers of my heart so I can know what I am feeling as well as this phase of what my Soul knows that I need to remember. Something about this Summer has me excited, in a good way; which I have not felt in Lord knows how long. In the meantime, I want to enjoy each moment the days bring and fall deeper in love with life. I am praying to maintain this mind state, to allow the optimism and lightheartedness of happiness to overtake me until it engulfs my mind, body and soul with the carefree feelings this time of year deserves.

Blessings 💗✨