high

I haven't smoked for a little while and in as many days I've had trouble sleeping, of course I believe the two things are connected. I'm awake with random thoughts and I begin to obsess (blame OCD). As I type I am contemplating rolling up just so the night doesn't turn into morning again; I have yet to decide. As the music plays in the background I am consumed with thoughts of being in a space of relaxation that only cannabis can provide, so I begin to pull out my tools and reach for the animal mints. Once the blunts are rolled I began to zone out, actually in that space of relaxation I mentioned before.

This morning I added animal mints cannabis oil to my coffee and began my day of organizing and cooking. I then remember the nights this week where I was fortunate enough to gaze at the Moon at my leisure,  I then realize that I hadn't done my monthly check-in tarot spread. So I looked up the site where I find the questions to ask myself when pulling cards and I see the spread for the Full Moon and decide to do that one instead. The reading informed me that I am in alignment with my higher self as the cards showed confirmation of things that have been on my mind lately; regarding my hopes and dreams. 

The other night I was feeling down on myself about my capabilities to do certain things when I remembered many occasions where I thought I could not do something until I was doing it. For example: a few years ago my (2) puppies ran away, they were gone for nearly two (2) weeks. When they returned I learned my female puppy was pregnant while she was delivering her puppies, initially I was shocked and frozen; then I snapped out of my fog and began to assist as her midwife. She delivered four (4) of her puppies when I realized she wasn't giving the last puppy the same attention as she gave the others. I took her to the animal hospital where she delivered for fifth (5) puppy. Once she and her litter were examined I fainted. The hospital called the paramedic which took me to the nearest emergency room. Since you can't or perhaps shouldn't re-home puppies from their mother for at least eight (8) weeks, I had three (3) puppies of my own (I purchased another dog within that two (2) week period my puppies were gone) plus the litter of five (5); totaling eight (8) puppies. I did it successfully without any mishaps, I found pride in myself for the ability to do that. The other accomplishment is how I manifested my current living situation; I am happy.

I often find that I am more in tune with myself when I am high; I feel as if my intuitiveness is heightened and I can see things from an alternate perspective. I've been feeling great, riding the high from the oil to the blunts which obviously assisted in deciding to write an expression today. That's the thing about the strains I choose, they typically aide in my creativity, which is a wonderful thing. As I watched the Moon this week I felt an overwhelming sense of thankfulness and gratitude for all of the many blessings and answered prayers in my life. For a brief moment I had lost sight of them, thinking of how things could be had I not been diagnosed with anxiety, depression and bipolar disorder at the height of my career. Then I thought, if I were stressed and unhappy then, had I continued on that path I'd likely still be that way. Although I've suffered plenty of losses since the onset of these illnesses I have gained peace, insightfulness and gratefulness. 

I don't think I can truly express how grateful I am for my life currently; I used to be afraid to say a thing like that because I thought if I expressed how happy I am in my life something was bound to happen to disrupt that. I now know that is no longer a part of my reality, and that train of thought serves as a self-fulfilling prophecy; since that's where I'd be sending my energy. Knowing that line of thinking is a low energy vibration and would attract misfortune to me. I now keep my thoughts on happiness, abundance and mindfulness; which leaves no energy for anything on the flip side of that. I wrote before about how I was annoyed with the outcome of a particular situation; I am happy to say I no longer feel that way. Giving much thought to it and dwelling in the energy of it was not good for my well-being so with writing, prayer and meditation I was able to overcome those emotions. Thank you to everyone who reached out while I was teetering on the brink of depression. That's one of the things about depression, if for a moment I lose myself in feelings and emotions of "woulda, coulda, shoulda" I can spiral into depression and it can take a while to recover. Something I no longer wish to experience. 

Of course the night has turned to day and I am still wide awake; I figured I'd capitalize on the newfound energy and make another drink infused with cannabis oil. I find the cannabis oil works best for me in hot beverages with (coconut) milk or a creamer; I tend to feel the effects longer and with great potency. I opted for Tidal because Pandora often triggers feelings of heartbreak or heartache if I allow it to shuffle through the station; I know it's partly to do with my energy and when it comes to thoughts other than my hopes, dreams, goals and aspirations they drift off onto a person. So I thought tonight, well today I should listen to a playlist made when I did not have them on my mind and lo and behold; it's helping. 

Today I opted for hot chocolate with my cannabis oil, I then downloaded an app and discovered a few classic movies that I usually enjoy watching so I made an impromptu decision to have a "Kamille Appreciation" Day; planning to watch movies and unwind, taking a break from my day to day. As I light the last blunt I have rolled I look up and notice it's 4:20 (am), talk about synchronicity; so I inhale and think of those dreams I mentioned above and exhale, letting go of things which no longer serve me. Including thought processes, beliefs, and such. As I sit as the music plays I find myself feeling elated that I am getting better with my tarot readings, for myself as well as others. 

I am reminded that I have yet to review my horoscope for the month as well, I don't know how I allowed the month to get away from me. Then it dawned on me, the last time I posted an expression on the blog was exactly one (1) month ago to the day. I plan to do a bit better at staying motivated and inspired to write a little more. I guess that's why I wanted to check in and say "high" since it's been so long. I hope you all are doing well and in good health (mentally, physically as well as emotionally). 

Until next time,

Kamille