surrounded by clouds

 "you have to participate relentlessly in the manifestation of your own blessings."

Elizabeth Gilbert

I feel as if I rushed the completion of the expression prior to this one; it seemed to be a lot, and I had more thoughts coming in so I figured I'd begin again. Pandora is playing many of my favorite songs and the vibe is nice in the atmosphere; as I feel the movements of the retrogrades and direct stations of the planets and their influence on us. In addition to the ending of "Capricorn Season", which is one of my favorites as well. It seemed as if it would rain today, but only in some areas; unfortunately mine was not one of them. 

In the previous expression I mentioned being thankful for my blessings and stumbled upon this quote speaking exactly what my sentiment was when writing earlier. I believe I have now awakened to the opportunities my prayers have manifested, the tarot spread I read weeks ago has stuck with me. I only wish I had documented the reading so I could refer to it in times such as now. The thought of reading a spread now has dawned on me and I realize I need to center myself in order to interpret the cards accurately. 

There's a time of morning when it is believed to be the optimal time for prayer and meditation, between the hours of 4 and 6 o'clock. I recognize it as "sacred time" and try to do those things at that time each day. I now know that I have to actually "participate relentlessly" in manifesting my prayers in anticipation of the blessings to come. I've heard of praying fervently, however I never looked up its meaning until moments ago; now that it has come to my understanding, how could I not embrace it? 

Aside from a couple of things I had to ask myself "where is my passion?" and I have yet to come across the answers. The idea enters my mind to transmute the energy directed to finding my passions, and redirect it to my prayers and meditations. I am often inspired by music, poetry, quotes and such; "island on the Moon" was inspired by a song by Lonnie Liston Smith, titled "island in the sun". The smooth notes of the song sends to me a calmer, more relaxed realm. I feel at peace with myself and my surroundings; deciding to read a tarot spread and meditate on the outcome in a moment. 

My second course; Music Appreciation began and I am happy to dive in and begin completing assignments along with those for my English course. I have plans to visit the beach soon as well as the anticipation of the Full Moon and New Moons. I haven't performed any New or Full Moon "rituals" for quite some time, something I may remedy soon. I began writing today after about a couple of months where I was more focused on other things that took time, energy and attention away from the blog. I feel good while I'm writing; the joint I smoked moments ago is beginning to "kick in" and I am feeling the happy, tingly effects mentioned on Leafly regarding the strain Frosted Cherry Cookies. 

A lot of time has passed since I began this expression and so much has happened, however that's a story for another time. I have yet to read the tarot, but I did read my horoscope for January on Astrology Zone... As mentioned earlier, a lot is going on in my life right now so I have yet to read February's horoscope although March is right next door. In this moment I feel consumed with school work; as if every moment should be spent on assignments, I've made a mental note to dive deep within to discover why that is. 

I've been feeling overwhelmed for quite some time now, I feel a heavy weight on my shoulders to the extent of feeling a lot of tension in my neck and shoulders. I know the area is sensitive since the car accident I had in December. Slight back ache, but that is to be expected during this time. Even after acknowledging my obsession with school, I found myself working on an assignment that isn't even open yet. I need a bit of a head start due to mental health issues (anxiety, depression and bipolar disorder). I've been thinking about my mental health lately and recognizing areas in need of my attention; seeing ways I am different since being diagnosed many years ago. 

As usual I've written thus far and have yet to think of a title. There's no music playing, but I have been able to tune it out and focus on what I am doing and intending as I know I am also sending prayers and meditations to the Most High as I am writing. I am paying attention to my anxiety levels and thankfully I have not had many symptoms of depression. I still don't fully understand bipolar disorder, but it seem to be at bay as well. 

Another smoke session and I am beginning for feel relaxed and the anxiety is fluctuating between mid and low. As I took a quick break from writing I discovered a quote by Mary Oliver which says "keep some room in your heart for the unimaginable". I feel as if that goes nicely with the initial quote at the top of this expression, thoughts of my goals, dreams and aspirations fill my heart as I pray for favor, forgiveness and grace. After this expression I intend to meditate of my prayers and await a word from the Lord. 

I smoked two pre-rolls and I feel loose, even with the tension which is confusing, but "it is what it is" as of now. I want to take a moment and acknowledge you all for checking in on me as well as reading the blogs even when I haven't posted in a while. It means a lot when I notice viewership increasing monthly, yearly... and I am delighted to see something I've written helps another or myself as I go back to the words and feelings of when they were written. 

I often ask myself "what is the Moon doing?" then look at my Moon apps and discover her phase, astrological placement as well as some insights of the meaning of those things. I haven't been as dedicated to keeping up with the Moon and astrology. Something I tend to remedy in the near future. A few distractions are on the horizon and I will end things here. I hope you and your loved ones are well.

Until next time...