chapter 2023

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It's the beginning of December and it seems as if the year flew by; I hope you all enjoyed the recent "holiday" and got a chance to spend quality time with loved ones. So far I have a few appointments set up along with the end of the Fall semester, which made me realize I'll be out of school for about a month. For those who know me personally, you can imagine how much anxiety this realization created. The idea of the amount of time I spend studying and completing assignments which allows me to progress in my education, but also eases some of the boredom I find myself experiencing on a regular basis. I've already looked into a few puff & paint classes, I even looked into sip & paint; only because I really want to paint although I would rather puff than sip. 

Two (2) joints in and as I sit at my laptop random thoughts cross my mind, beginning with a thought about music and how much I enjoy discovering new artists and their work. Now I am remembering the month off which is approaching and I will admit, I am not looking forward to it. Since beginning this expression I have completed all of my assignments as well as my Philosophy final exam. So now I just wait until my GPA is updated and prepare for Spring semester. I am happy with the fact, I did my best this semester and that's all I can do...

I had a quick thought to begin writing a book while I have this time off, seeing how I'll only have scheduled appointments and errands with so much "free time" to delve into a couple of chapters. The question comes to mind: "where do I begin?" and I am not quite sure, as we enter chapter 2024 I thought of making that the beginning then I remembered it has yet to begin.  On to other thoughts, mainly about lighting this joint; which I have done since writing the thought of it. Mango Kush is on the menu and for an indica, I feel creative, relaxed, and a bit talkative; among other things. The music and marijuana has created a nice vibe, almost allowing me to feel "free". 

Seeing how this expression is entitled "chapter 2023" I feel compelled to write something concerning a retrospective view as well as some thoughts in regard to the upcoming year. Truth is, I don't have much to say about 2023; I will admit it has been a life altering year for me however, I am not ready to discuss on this outlet.  Taking a moment to check the weather I realize I want to be sitting on the beach, smoking some joints, listening to music with good company. Unfortunately, that won't be tonight, now I have to entertain myself indoors and aside from the beach I realize I am doing what I want with the exception of the atmosphere. 

After another two (2) joints, I realize it's the Acapulco Gold making me creative and feeling free. I've only heard of this strain so when the opportunity presented itself for me to get it I jumped at the chance! I am happy I did. I totally forgot I smoked it in between the Mango Kush. I feel a bit of anxiety as it leaves my body and thoughts that were plaguing me are beginning to leave my mind. I want this feeling to last forever, but realistically with bipolar disorder, anxiety and depression that's a lot to ask. 

Rocko smoked with me and now he's asleep, so with the exception of the music it is extremely quiet. Leaving me thinking about said book and where to begin, again. I am finally "high" and feeling a little anti-social as I don't want anyone to "ruin" it for me. As some of you may know, I don't completely remember my childhood; however, I have chosen not to dig into it as I feel there is a reason those memories are suppressed. So the question of where I began is a little confusing, do I begin with the memories that are fresh in my mind or the onset of these illnesses? I had a thought to begin with the first expression made "public" and going from there with relevant information in an autobiographical form. 

I suppose as the close of the year approaches I recognize how thankful and grateful I am for the life I live. I am blessed and I don't think I acknowledge that enough. Although I have various health and wellness issues, every thought and experience from the beginning up until now have been far better than it could have been. Thoughts of my Dad come to mind and I am engulfed in love, remembering the man he was and the things he taught me are priceless and I am happy to have had him in my life for those 38 years. Now that my Mom and I are bonding and getting to know one another better, I feel as if I have a completeness that calms me and lets me know that I am not alone. I feel as if this expression is a bit scattered yet I don't know how to bring it back together. 

Until next time...

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