purple clouds

"drop the idea of becoming someone, because you are already a masterpiece. you can not be improved. you have only to come to it, to know it; to realize it"

Osho

As I wrote in my most recent post I feel that same sensation today as I drink my cannabis infused coffee. This above quote makes it make sense to me as I am realizing who I am. Kamille Appreciation Day went well and I found the journals I was looking for; also, I had a great show on Moon Goddess Radio. I sit here after reading two half full journals dating back to 2014; at the time I was going through a lot while having feelings of love fill my heart and head. I used to think I needed to change so many things about myself to "become" the woman of my dreams then, one day I realized I am already that woman; it's just a matter of coming to it and knowing it for myself. Taking the day to love on myself was very delightful; I am finding it difficult to put into words. Music by Ronnie Foster is playing and I'm sitting near my patio enjoying the cool Summer breeze; at the beginning of the day I had yet to make plans, but that soon changed; I now have plans to hang out with a friend this afternoon and possibly visit with my Aunt who is in town for a few days. I will admit, I am looking forward to the weekend, maybe "turn up" with family; hang out with a friend or chill with my Mom and my puppy. I have been so indecisive lately, taking longer than usual to make decisions. I feel as if I may be a bit preoccupied with various thoughts that keep coming to mind, perhaps I should explore them. 

As I think of words I'm willing to share, my mind goes blank; so I decide to take a break from writing to spend time with a friend and wake up to the following Third Eye Chakra affirmation: "I am connected to my inner guidance and intuition. I trust in my ability to make correct decisions for myself. I open to my purpose and trust in it's unfolding. I move forward in each breath connected to my purpose. I trust in my gifts and abilities. Unlimited possibility flows to me in every moment." posted on Instagram by @the_goddess_circle_ara. I feel I read that in perfect timing as I find myself in alignment with my higher self these days. Today is a bit busier than the past few have been, but I'm excited to get moving and start the day... A few days have passed full of errands and time spent with friends and family. As I re-read the third eye chakra affirmation I was lead to find one for the Crown Chakra; which I did on the same instagram feed. It says "I honor the truth of my spirit. I open to my path on this planet. I honor the gifts that are flowing within me. I acknowledge my intuition and inner guidance. I open to my deepest wisdom. I trust in the unfolding journey in front of me." I feel as if I focus on those two (2) chakra's the most and I am intending to balance them all as the other chakra's may be feeling neglected. I feel as if I check in with the status of my chakra's on a regular basis, but at times, like now I feel as if I have abandoned them for too long. Thoughts of my Dad enter my mind as Michael Franks plays; I have fond memories as we'd often spend holiday's, birthday's and Father's Day together. This time however I am not hit by sadness as I am sure he is in a better place; not to sound cliche. 

It's a beautiful Sunday afternoon in Southern California and I am feeling the effects of Alien OG; which are euphoria and giggles, both of which I feel at the moment. Now Nina Simone is singing and I feel relaxed and at peace within myself. I am writing these words as I broadcast Moon Goddess Radio and briefly I thought I may be doing too much yet the music is inspiring me to do so. I don't know if it's the vibe or if I'm just high or perhaps a combination of the two, nevertheless I am enjoying the day. This strain reminds me of Cherry Pie, having the same euphoric sensations and giggly effects. I feel a little jittery, which is odd because I haven't had coffee today; then I think that's probably why. I still don't know what I intend to share other than the above then I think of my plans for tomorrow deciding to stay at my Mom's with my puppy; since he is frightened by the fireworks. That's one decision made, now on to the others which I think need a bit more time to process. Pink Floyd fills the space and I feel myself elevated; exuding happiness and a love for life. The only thing I'd add would be the Moon; speaking of, I am looking forward to the Super Full Moon approximately July 12th through 15th. I love a Super Full Moon; the fullness and brightness of it is just mesmerizing often sending me to thoughts of  my dreams, goals and desires. I think that's still an area I shy away from on the blogs and my social media, desires; often when I think of desire I think soon after about sex then I think of my Sacral Chakra as it is said to control creativity as well as sexual energy. Although I know that I still find myself neglecting that particular chakra; for no reason other than fear, I wasn't brought up in a religious household, but I feel as if I did not learn or hear a lot about sex while growing up. So I've learned a lot from books and some experiences, I don't know exactly what it is I fear about learning and aligning with my sacral chakra knowing the creative aspects that would be balanced.

Another day has passed and I'm celebrating the holiday, unfortunately my puppy is not enjoying the day with the fireworks and festivities. Nevertheless, I'm listening to @kingleopicasso on Amp (app) and rocking out to the music. I'm high off Zookies now, as if I'm floating in the purple clouds;  feelings of euphoria fill my being allowing me to be in bliss. Scrolling through my social media I came across a meme from @iambrillyant which said, "the fine balance between holding space for other people and learning to hold space for yourself. There is magic there." that's something I'm still learning to embody. As a former perfectionist with people pleasing tendencies I found myself placing space for others slightly before my own then wondering why a lot of my relationships had grown to be one sided. I could relate so deeply with the Stevie Wonder song, "love's in need of love today", because some days I just needed someone to treat me how I treated my loved ones; that comes up from time to time however less often because of the support system I have in place these days. Finding the magic in taking the appropriate balance of space for myself as well as no longer accepting any type of treatment with the label of friendship attached. I am now asserting myself more and my appearance seems to exude happiness as people have been asking me lately "are you happy? you look happy" or something to that effect; I enjoy it, in the past people would always ask "what's wrong?", because my facial expressions will tell on me every time. I can't hide some thoughts or my feelings because my face will expose me and have people asking "why are you looking like that? you look _____" which is usually exactly what I'm thinking or feeling about something that has occurred or been said.

Funny, I began this expression on Saturday and here we are on Tuesday and probably won't publish until maybe Wednesday. Which is still better than months, the Moon was beautiful tonight; I wanted to be at the beach but time didn't permit such an outing.  I suppose I just wanted to check in since I don't have much more to share with you all; I'm looking forward to the show scheduled for Wednesday evening in addition to my show on Sunday. I feel good, even with a few chores in need of attention. Rocko (my puppy) is doing much better now as the fireworks are coming to an end the marijuana smoke that filled the air may have contributed to his calm demeanor. I hope you all had a fun and safe holiday...

until next time