From the Drafts

 “And I dream too much and I don’t write enough and I’m trying to find God everywhere.” Anis Mojgai

I was able to complete eight days on the master cleanse; however I intend to begin again, hopefully with more determination.  I'm looking forward to seeing the results yet I have not been as committed as I expected to be. I now see the importance of easing in rather than "diving in head first". I think since I didn't ease in the desire to eat was a bit more challenging than previous attempts; funny thing is, I don't quite recall what I did in the beginning of those cleanses. I do however remember the outcome, which was weight loss in the amount of sixty pounds. Thinking back on that time in my life is bittersweet because I was the happiest I'd been in a very long time, I was thriving in my career and although there were some set backs as well as sabotage resulting in the onset of anxiety disorder. I suppose this is coming out because the date of said event has passed since writing this post. I am grateful for therapy, I see the progress I've made over the years; seeing how I am not quite anxious about the upcoming time of year. Usually I dwell on the things I've lost throughout the years during the last quarter. Today, I reflect on those times and send love to my younger self, I then think of the fond memories with those people or in those places and it brings me joy.

Although a few things are a bit out of whack, most things in my life are going well. It's been a long time since I was able to say or feel that. I believe I've just completed my Saturn return and to say I was truly tested would be an understatement; especially since Saturn rules my sun sign of Capricorn. As I plan the week I find myself in a dreamlike state, I attribute that to my discovery of Bubblegum OG (indica hybrid strain of marijuana). Along with the fact I had a great weekend including self-care, socialization and introspection. I realized I needed something a bit different, over the past several years I'd been strictly sativa, barely experiencing hybrids. I changed to indica with a balance of sativa and I noticed a difference in my being- ease of tension in my body with the benefit of clearheadedness and focus has me in much better spirits these days. I find myself in the mood to share; in an open and honest way, allowing my heart to show a bit more than usual. I am engulfed in the feeling of creativity, wanting to write more and find outlets to paint or browse art. I think with my recent birthday I've found a certain liberation I had not experienced before in this lifetime. As I sit here typing I am trying to meditate on what my heart wants me to write and I feel all over the place as if I am rambling. However for the first time on the blog I don't want to censor my thoughts. 

I feel as if I am nurturing my soul, my higher self is at peace. I look back at my younger days and some days I wish I could go back and speak the words I'd left unsaid, or done the things I truly wanted to do, but didn't out of fear of others opinions. The other day I had to complete a task for myself that I'd never done before and as I second guessed myself and thought of someone who could assist me I ended up doing in alone and the outcome was great. In that moment I remembered how to trust myself, how to tap into my higher self and allow her to guide me in my steps as well as decision making. I feel more confident, in my being; like an inner knowing of what's to come. As I shared I intend to continue the cleanse at a later time, not forgoing the spiritual aspect of cleansing and getting in tune with God. Its interesting how this journey has come to be, while focusing on losing some unwanted pounds I found a deeper more intimate relationship with God. I took a brief intermission while writing and I saw the number 3232 twice so I input it into my Angel Numbers app and the following came though, I feel as confirmation:

WHAT NUMBER "3232" MEANS:
The resulting total number is #1:
The Angels urge you to put yourself first. It is important to maintain your own personal energy levels to achieve perfect health and emotional well-being. With increased energy levels you become a powerful individual. You will then be able to love and care for yourself and also others generously.

Angel Power Words:
Follow your Heart

Your Angel Number also contains #32:
It is very important to listen to your inner truth and to stay on the course that you know is right for you. Don't be swayed by others' opinions at this point in time. Trust your inner compass to guide you perfectly along the path that you are destined to take. Courageously move ahead with an open heart.
(This number is repeated twice. The message of this number is amplified x20!)

Your Angel Number also contains #23:
The Ascended Masters and Saints are aligning the stars to deliver a powerful 'nobleman' or 'noblewomen' into your life. This person may protect you or even deliver a gift or blessing that will enrich your life with 'Amazing Grace!'

I feel as if I've learned to put myself first in my life without feeling guilty or selfish. That is something I've struggled with in the past, I'm thankful to have outgrown that. So, back to that bubblegum og; I think it sparked a vein of creativity I am just learning of. Paired with various cosmic transits I feel as if I'm going to burst; I feel as if I've said that a thousand times recently, on the blog and in real life. I suppose the feeling is being happy and more alive than I've felt in a while. I say alive because for many years I feel as if I were existing then becoming; I don't think "I've arrived", but I do know that I am in a different aspect of the journey I find myself on. The path seems a bit clearer and I'm excited to see what's next. I pray you all are in good spirits, considering we're still in a pandemic; taking time for self-care, self-love, therapy and such. 

Blessings,

Kamille 💗✨