every season is me season
“I can do nothing for you but work on myself... you can do nothing for me but work on yourself!”
While giving thought to my contributions to the people in my life, I feel as if I've changed in some ways; I feel as if the changes embodied have been for my highest good. A few expressions ago, I mentioned a conversation with my nail technician who asked me when was I going to begin taking better care of myself? As her words melted my heart all I could muster to say was "you're right." It was around that time that I challenged myself to stay the course when it comes to my health regimen. Aside from the agreement with myself to stop smoking, I have been doing a good job. The above quote spoke to me as I am reminded of my self-care and how I can only contribute to others with the overflow of how I've taken care of myself. When I was not fully taking the best care of myself I found that I was often cranky, irritated and tired. It wasn't until I began to eat better food choices, exercise and tend to my spiritual practices was when I started to feel as if I was whole or rather full and able to help others with a better disposition.
In August I had a "wake up call" of sorts when a friend passed unexpectedly... I've only returned to my health and fitness program in September, realizing how I have to do everything in my ability to be as healthy as possible. There are a lot of people in my life who depend on me, therefore, I must do everything within my control to be my best self. The marijuana has me feeling as if I am floating, an experience I've felt many times since last week. So much so that it has been exuding from within and others can see. The music is random with a common topic, "pot", which is somehow inspiring me to continue where I left off in my writing the other day as well as expounding on certain thoughts and rearranging some parts.
The room is reasonably quiet at the moment, filled with the smoke from reefer; Pink Runtz is on standby as I enjoyed Kush Mints so far it has given me feelings of creativity, focus and happiness. Then there's Mango Kush which complimented Kush Mints very well as far as enhancing the creativity levels. The other day I had a few Pink Runtz joints which aided in the post I expressed recently, the talkative aspect of the "side effects" I truly enjoyed; because it allows me to tap into a deeper part of myself when I am expressing my thoughts, feelings and emotions. .With the Kush Mints and Mango Kush I had a wonderful Sunday; especially after I got a bit of rest. I've been running around for the past week with workouts, errands and appointments that I was exhausted. Today, I feel much better and anticipating my workout in the morning. The workout was great, I set a goal of 1.5 miles and I completed 1.51. Although that is a tiny bit more than my goal it encourages me to continue setting goals and surpassing them; even if it's by a tiny margin.
As a new age approaches and another semester ends I feel as if I am on the right track to accomplish my goals in the amount of time I allotted myself. One goal is promising as I intend to be at or close to my goal weight by this time next year and the other would be to graduate in Spring 2025. As I think about what else to say on the topic the urge to smoke a cigarette comes to mind, but I am attempting to triumph against such urges. The music is creating a vibe that I feel unfamiliar with, not in a bad way, just kind of unknown. I'm sure it has something to do with venturing out with so many new strains in such a short period of time. As I've gotten older I have learned to enjoy and anticipate the date of my birth more with each year that comes and goes. As some of you may know, this time of year is heavy on introspection, goal setting and gratitude. As another friends birth date approaches I feel a bit sad; only because he's not here to celebrate. Nevertheless, I may celebrate in honor of him, light a few joints and put something (healthy) on the grill with a friend.
The other thing somewhat heavy on my mind is the fact I've been giving my hair a break from units and weaves, exploring styles with my natural curls; at least around the house. I haven't gotten to the point of wearing my hair in public with the exception of around my neighborhood. I've been having a good time playing in my curls and feeling the wind on my head and scalp. Right now it's in a ponytail and I love that it's not in my face; tickling my nose and such. Since expressing the selectiveness of showcasing my natural hair, I wore my hair in a ponytail today for my workout, it made a difference as I was annoyed by stray hairs in my face. Also, I wasn't as hot as usual which is a huge factor in my decision to go in that direction. Last year I chose to stop getting gel polish and allow my natural nails to "breathe". Another thing I am happy I did. Looking forward to my hair and nail appointments this weekend, to my surprise, my Mom is coming with me and possibly another family member if everything works out that way. I feel like I'll make a "girl's day" out of it if they allow me to.
A thought that came to mind as I reread the quote above, thinking of my circle and how everyone has chosen to grow in some aspect of themselves or another. Whether returning to college, becoming entrepreneurs or entering a new field along with making better health choices, etc. I am so proud in this moment, proud of my friends and family (in my circle) who are taking the necessary steps to better themselves when they could've chosen to remain the same with the mindset of "this is just how I am". In addition to the support I have gotten since declaring my intentions to be healthier as well as my plans for my educational future. I feel as if I am overflowing with love, happiness and gratitude even though I am not completely where I want to be, I realize I am where I need to be in this season. The urge to smoke another joint comes to mind and I feel as if I should comply, on the other hand I feel as if I want to take a nap seeing how I've been awake since 4 a.m.
As I open the pre-roll package, Rocko (my emotional support animal) winks at me which suggests that he approves of my decision to smoke this Kush Mints, complete my expression and take a nap. This strain does make me feel relaxed with feelings of euphoria as the site suggests and as far as aroused, it does that too! With the dosage I've inhaled thus far I have not felt any of the negative effects, thankfully. The idea of "self-care" comes to mind as I find the words to share; feeling as if I should do something for myself which will enhance the feelings that I am currently feeling. Saturday I took myself to a nice dinner, Sunday I rested and now I am back at it for week 2 of my exercise program. Last week I exercised three times for about 30 minutes to an hour; however, the first two locations weren't what I expected and I knew if I continued with them I'd find myself bored. On the last day I found a beach with a trail and found a happy place where I knew I'd push myself during the walk and on the stairs.
By the end of the week I'd like to be at 2 miles per day, inching up to the return of my 5 mile days. I attempted to press on and finish this expression in one day, that may still happen, but I need a nap.
Several naps later...
With the exception of my workout, errands and scheduling necessary appointments, Monday was an impromptu rest day. As I got a little overwhelmed with coursework; I smoked a lot, had a couple of drinks, enjoyed good meals (breakfast, lunch, snack and dinner) also taking two naps and now I'm awake at 4 a.m. again. Yesterday, I declared to write something for "fun" before beginning my modules and assignments, I feel good about that decision. Jumping "out of the box" for a moment to "paint outside of the lines" is something I am learning is essential for my mental health. Writing "scholarly" essays and being so concerned with word count and structure bores me over time. Looking at the clock I realize I should take my shower and get ready for my work out so that is what I'm going to do. I did not mean to rush the ending, but I am committed to my fitness and as time creeps by I'll be late if I begin another paragraph; I hope that's understandable.
Until next time
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