King Kamille

I woke up a few minutes before 3am, I ate another gummy; now I'm awaiting it to "kick in" so I can feel the effects. Soon after eating it I had a thought, "I want to write, but I don't know what to say"' so here I am. As Roy Ayers plays in the background singing about the third eye  I feel myself focusing on my own third eye or intuition. I am happy to say I've been better at "listening" to my intuition this year, however there have been some pivotal times when I did not. I am using those instances as "lessons learned" .  I began this expression a few days ago, not knowing what I wanted to share; and honestly I still don't. I feel as if I am one with myself these days, I know that may sound strange; but I feel whole. A feeling I haven't felt in quite sometime; honestly since the diagnosis of anxiety, depression and bipolar disorders. For years, I felt as if I would never feel like "myself" again; and although...

As I scrolled social media, I stumbled upon a quote which reads: "what if you started loving yourself the way you want them to love you?" and I stopped in my tracks. As I pondered that question I realized I'd asked myself that some years ago; which is when I took a deep dive into self-care and self-love. During that time I felt as if I was giving "love" yet I did not feel it reciprocated. Soon after I read a quote by Rumi, which was, " the love you seek is seeking you" . I decided to go inward and find more of the love I had to share and began to share it with myself. I believe at that time was when I introduced the idea of "Kamille Appreciation Day" , which is a day or a few where I spend time with myself; doing anything I want to do with myself during that time.  It was during a "Kamille Appreciation Day" when I decided to return to college nearly 20 years after dropping out. I felt more confident in myself and my goals and tho...

“I can no other answer make, but, thanks, And thanks, and ever thanks.” William Shakespeare I had a tough couple of weeks; however I was surrounded by love and support which made things a bit "easier" to bare. I began writing something entirely different last week, but decided to delete and begin again. I am not sure what I want to share yet, nonetheless I allowed the above quote to remain. In these moments I realized how grateful and thankful I am to be alive. I am appreciative for God; my family and friends who surrounded me in prayers, well-wishes and those who actually came to spend time with me while I was recovering.  When we go through things it seems cliche to say how our health, usually physical is something we are grateful for. I will say although I am still in pain, I am grateful for my physical, mental as well as emotional health.  I'm sure you all are wondering, "what happened?" ; well, I was recently involved in a car accident. I won't go into...

 "observe the wonders as they occur around you. don't claim them. feel the artistry moving through, and be silent" Rumi Days ago I stumbled upon a journal prompt which read "How am I feeling about life at the moment?" ; I later revisited the above quote, for a moment I was silent, pondering the quote and the question. I feel as if I have written this before on the blog, however, currently I am enjoying life; I feel as if various areas are in a "good place" . When I think of those "various areas" , I am thinking mentally, emotionally, physically and spiritually.  I feel so many wonders around me, I attribute them to being blessings therefore can not claim them as my own. I see and feel the artistry moving throughout my being and into the atmosphere, putting me in a space of awe in admiration of God's creations. From the views at the beach to the beautiful Sunsets and various phases of the Moon.  The music plays and I recall a time when I w...

His skin is dark as a thousand midnights, chocolate and smooth like velvet. His mind is sharp with quick wit and great imagination; he keeps me wanting to know more with each encounter. When our bodies are intertwined, it's like a thousand midnights; I can't find my way out, and honestly I never want to.  He kissed my forehead and I melted, wanting the kisses in more places; sensual and kind then messy and intense as they explore my body lower and lower. I can't deny the love I feel when he's near me; I feel like giving him all of me and watching him savor the memory we are making. There's years of memories in my mind, creating flashbacks at any given moment. Like, the time he made my body explode five (5) times in one session; that was the most recent memory that comes to mind often. With him I want to go to the edge of the Earth and back again; as long as I he is with me.  I feel like a teenager in love, before the heartbreaks and heartaches; before any jadedness ...

While at the beach I took a relaxing nap, allowing the energy from the ocean and the Sun to cleanse my being and provide "grounding"; as I embraced the thoughts and feelings I was experiencing. As I awakened, I felt refreshed; I feel so "at home" at the beach. The waves call out to me as if to say "come home" , it's the mermaid in me that makes me feel that way. I had thoughts of my lover being there with me, on the lifeguard tower. I believe that thought comes to mind each time I visit the beach. Thoughts of him caressing my skin while looking into my eyes and saying "everything is okay" , Although I've known him for quite some time, I am learning to be comfortable around him again; I know it's because I fear being vulnerable with him.  In the past I used to want to seem perfect to him, now I am more myself; and I feel as if things between he and I are better than they've ever been. Yet, I still have the issue of not necessarily...

I've gone to the beach four (4) times in three (3) days, all of which were magical; especially because I spent time with the Moon  while there. I also had a couple of cannabis infused beverages while relaxing at the beach, I love watching the surfer's; but they haven't been out as much as they were earlier in the Summer. It's already September! The time seemed to fly by, especially once I registered for college. I believe I'm already in week four (4); beginning one of the more challenging assignments that I truly do not feel like doing, at least the main part of it. It seems so tedious and I am not in the mood, however in addition to the three (3) units I want for this class I have a goal of getting an "A"  as well; so I must do it and give it my best, that is when I feel more in the mood. So my Grammie turned ninety (90) years old the other day, I went out of town to visit with her since she's so close. I also have plans with another relative who live...

"go beyond your little world and find the grandeur of God's world." Rumi So I've completed my first few assignments for my course; creative writing- nonfiction. The class is not what I expected which is great; because I find it challenging; in a good way. It is covering an aspect of writing that I've mentioned when anticipating taking the class; which was finding my voice in my writing. I am looking forward to see the progress once I reach the end of this course. It's interesting how this and the next course I am registered for - astronomy, will overlap and conclude at the end of the year. That is significant to me because of the intentions and affirmations I set for myself during that time. The end of one year and beginning of another is so refreshing to me as it is a chance to improve upon things and really see what no longer serves us as we go from one space in time to another. Especially seeing how soon after the New Year I'll become a new age ! I'...

I remember meeting him; Summer 2003,  we meet online and if memory serves me correctly it took a little while for us to meet in person. I believe we spoke on the phone and texted for weeks, maybe months before we saw one another for the first time. After a few times we spent together I knew he was special. The way he spoke, presented himself and treated me was like boyfriends I'd had in my teenage years. I recall him asking me to be his "girlfriend" , at the time I was a brat and upon our first misunderstanding I broke up with him; I realized some time later that move was a mistake on my part. During that time I had unknowingly gotten used to toxic relationships and did not understand how to behave in a "normal"  one. To me, at the time he was a fantasy; I felt as if he was "too good to be true" and that he'd hurt me badly if I allowed him in my heart; because that had been my experience over the years with my first two (2) real boyfriends.  It wa...

I've taken an impromptu break from writing in search of inspiration to no avail. I am unsure where the inspiration has gone or when it will return;   in the meantime I enrolled in a creative writing class, which I hope will assist in finding the inspiration necessary to write on a continuous basis. In addition to finding my voice and the courage to speak the things I have been afraid to share. At times I have an uneasiness with writing about things other than my own thoughts and experiences trying not to include others in those expressions.   I spoke with a friend who suggested I write about a fantasy since my "regular" thoughts have escaped me. The truth is, I have thoughts to write however I have been scared to share them; because the thoughts are of him and I haven't expressed them verbally to him. So the idea of writing them in public makes me anxious and nervous to express them, however I have decided to allow my fingers to let my thoughts flourish and see what...

For some reason I couldn't wait to start a new draft; the laughter and smoke fill the room as Scarface plays in the background. Rocko is asleep; which is great because the fireworks have been getting on his nerves. I've been out of town for the past few days so I am looking forward to going home tomorrow. It's been years since I last saw this film and it doesn't quite hold my attention, not in a bad way; just in a "it is what it is" type of way. I find myself a bit restless as said in my last post; purple clouds , I would like to be at the beach right now, but it's late and I have no one to accompany me. Rocko (my puppy) is snoring, which somehow reminded me that I need to go food shopping in the very near future; one errand that I do not always enjoy. I'm looking forward to a few things next week; such as getting my hair done and puppy sitting for a couple weeks. I've never done that before so we're going to start with a puppy play date and s...

"drop the idea of becoming someone, because you are already a masterpiece. you can not be improved. you have only to come to it, to know it; to realize it" Osho As I wrote in my most recent post  I feel that same sensation today as I drink my cannabis infused coffee. This above quote makes it make sense to me as I am realizing who I am. Kamille Appreciation Day went well and I found the journals I was looking for; also, I had a great show on Moon Goddess Radio . I sit here after reading two half full journals dating back to 2014 ; at the time I was going through a lot while having feelings of love fill my heart and head. I used to think I needed to change so many things about myself to "become" the woman of my dreams then, one day I realized I am already that woman; it's just a matter of coming to it and knowing it for myself. Taking the day to love on myself was very delightful; I am finding it difficult to put into words. Music by Ronnie Foster is play...