“I wash my heart of all knowledge and forget myself for I cannot stand before the Beloved believing to be a master of all arts. I am only a shell for Spirit. I leave reason behind and leap into bewilderment.”
Rumi {Rumi’s Little Book of Life, page 25}
On a beautiful Friday evening, I accepted an invitation for an experience within “Authentic Intelligence” presented by an amazing artist- Kenneth Crouch at The Sun Rose Music Club.
For the first time in a long time, I was mesmerized by talent so precise I must admire it as it is a gift! It is not often I find myself in awe, yet I sat and within a few moments I recognized another room or level to the secret place where The Most High resides. The difference between this experience and the many others I am blessed to say I have encountered was the creativity of another in real time.
As a writer, occasionally a painter, in my sacred space a singer and overall, a mermaid disguised as a human girl; or should I say woman. I have come to a point of being where I find it difficult to identify myself with the words attributed to the English language; as it has been almost impossible to translate the thoughts, feelings, and emotions into words capable of articulating the Divine.
In this realm the week [July 5- 9th] leading to this day was overwhelming to say the least and the days included in the weekend [July 10- 11th] I have prepared to feel all the feels, as it is the anniversary or memorial of sorts of my Dad’s passing. Sunday, July 12, 2026; followed by a Super New Moon observable from [July 13-15th] Monday through Wednesday.
From the many philosophical conversations during the close of Spring and beginning of Summer; I prepared myself to be inspired, I knew the evening would be filled with magic. To my surprise, even the word magic feels as if it is an understatement.
Perhaps, the courses from Spring 2026 have been embodied and now I am simply intertwining the knowledge from the History of Ancient Philosophy course along with a few others, yet I am not used to witnessing the interpretation of God from another in a form so pure it is undeniable.
The ways in which I believe the audience was allowed into such an intimate space between an artist and the Creator was so profound my heart, mind, and being are still dissecting the atmosphere, ambiance, music, and for lack of a better word- community.
To witness the level of vulnerability, musicianship, humility yet greatness all combined within the span of a few hours has opened my soul to a location within itself that I only met the same day as everything occurred.
The idea of meeting parts of my self- my soul, hearts, minds, intellect, senses along with aspects I have not yet put into my vocabulary -as I am still processing- downloading and uploading information from my thoughts [from the time getting ready, traveling, the experience of it all, interacting, engaging with others and returning “home”]
The word bewilderment seems so fitting as one word that surfaced weeks ago within our conversations has been whimsical. Allowing for more whimsy from day to day has offered a delightful exchange of girlish joy to re- enter my life as opposed to the trials and tribulations of adulthood.
Another poem that seems to fit within this expression also comes from the same book, on the opposite page [24]:
I am inclined to meditate upon the evening and the words shared thus far as I begin to prepare for the dream state. Attempting to engulf myself into the essence of my being – which has come to include, incorporating newly discovered cervices of my brain.
I feel the happenings of a paradigm shift {of consciousness} expanding the understanding and comprehension of the dimension we call Earth.
This is not the first time that I have experienced such however, it has become the first time I was aware of it taking place prior to the knowledge of what’s to come as a result.
In all honesty, I will admit, although this isn’t a new experience; this is the first time I am made aware of it’s happening as it develops.
Since childhood, I have felt these feelings and even more so beginning 2012 with the onset of mental health disorders- anxiety and depression followed by the diagnoses of bipolar disorder in 2017- the feeling has been associated with a holy space within a realm I have not disconnected from.
In the content, the creator speaks of her daughter explaining particular aspects of meeting a person the mother knew and spent time with during pregnancy; the mother’s friend transitioned either prior to delivery or shortly thereafter. There were also courses, assignments and other such things to prepare the soul for their life, here on Earth. I must say, I was captivated, especially as she accounts for the transition from “baby heaven” through the process of birth. The detail shared next stuck with me and awakened a memory of my own time in the magnitude of this space.
The daughter expressed there being a slide and as she witnessed her mother having an especially difficult time emotionally, she knew she had to do something! So, she “snuck” out and descended from the slide to the realm of Earth prematurely- as she felt as if her mother needed her at that time.
The entire recollection sparked within me a bridge between this “baby heaven” and my life {thus far} on Earth in a way that I am still gathering information on…
As a child {I may have shared this within the blogs sometime in the past} my Grammie lived across the street from a park and when I’d be with my Dad, we’d visit my Grammie then walk across the street to the park. First stopping at the playground which included the swings. He’d push me on the swings then we’d go to the indoor gym where he’d play basketball with his friends. This is a memory I’ve always cherished, even more so after his passing.
Well, last year was the first time I’d returned to that park in a very long time as my Grammie moved decades ago and as an adult my Father and I did not visit that part of town any longer.
So, after such a long time; I returned to my park and not only were the swings still there- but my castle [slide intact] was there too. I completely forgot about my castle!
I may go back to the video of the content creator speaking of her daughter’s account of things as if memory serves me correctly, the color of the slide described is also the color of the slide attached to my castle [in all transparency, should I revisit the video, I will not share the color of the slide or if there are the same] nevertheless, at the time I stood in the park last year and the content learned from someone else’s life not many months ago, pieces of my lives connected.
The other thing about the content I found reflective, was the part where she shares how her daughter described “baby heaven” as a school of sorts.
8 years ago, my Dad- my best friend- became an Ancestor.
Since that event, I have experienced a short bout with cancer, a stroke, more betrayal, and other such happenstances which only make sense to me in a way that some waited for what they’d consider as my most vulnerable moments to express their disdain for my Father through hurting me [emotionally].
What may not have been considered was the knowledge of these accounts coming together in my mind as a puzzle. The Divine along with The Ascended Masters {my Ancestors}, spirit guides, Angels, and other such Beings allowing me to tap in with the tools to decode my purpose even further.
Recently, when speaking of my academic journey toward a future I’d given up on many Moons ago, an acquaintance shared with me from our brief conversations of their assessment for something I would be great at- forensic psychology.
This weekend has been an awakening in a sense, as I prepare for a portal within the halls of Heaven, specifically for me. I normally keep certain theories to myself; however, this is not a typical theory as I am instructed to share.
As the artist, Kenneth Crouch shared with me prior to his presentation, “once you see it, you’ll understand me better” not only did I understand the person, but I also understood the soul and the particular stars within the Universe [I stumbled across a photograph of a heart- shaped star cluster some time ago and knew those were my stars!]
In everything tying together, the specific dates, the happenings within the Cosmos, the account of “baby heaven”, the field trip to my park and the information I feel ready to share; I knew there is more to come as my dream states and consciousness takes me within the veils, realms and dimensions assigned to me for this lifetime.
Without going into detail concerning the lady or portal connecting me, my sacred space within The Divine and this particular lifetime on Earth; the understanding that keeps me sanely insane has been the ideology of never leaving the womb. Not speaking in the literal sense, but figuratively- the womb being the Ether, or a stream of consciousness within a realm of Being with God.
Knowing what I know of myself and the newfound moments where this life has unearthed information that only makes sense as it relates to my other lifetimes, I know that those are the words awaiting the forthcoming book or books I will compose.
What I am able to share at this time is the acknowledgement of a belief, the belief of a knowing. Knowing within the Galaxies, Multiverses, realms, dimensions and occurrences within the vastness of cherished, sacred, and dare I say, holy spaces.
As mentioned in my most recent expressions as well as the silent times between writer’s block, consciousness, and what I have learned I must endure until better days arrive. The concept of an epiphany comes to mind. The epiphany relates to the color red and the location of a specific heart. Yet, as I type these words, I am uncertain if the word heart encompasses the depth, shape or idea of what a heart means in the mind of a human or “mortal”.
This particular heart bleeds perpetually, the color seems to change periodically however, once I recognized it, it has changed throughout various hues of red.
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