King Kamille

“And suddenly you know: It's time to start something new and trust the magic of beginnings.”  Meister Eckhart One thing I've learned has been to trust new beginnings, giving them room for something different; hopefully something better to occur in my life. I've learned that although some things may look similar to something in the past it is also a chance to put all of the "lessons learned" to use; as well as embrace a new experience. I think with so much of my focus on things causing nostalgia it's great to look forward to things, setting new goals and leaving self open to evolving or being enlightened. I think that's what I'm looking forward to in the present moment; chances to be enlightened along this new journey I find myself on.  Lately, there have been plenty of earthquakes near my area , add to that the recent Solar Eclipse, several planets in retrograde and the approaching Lunar Eclipse in the coming weeks. All of that feels like ...

"you cannot have love if your heart is closed" - Iyanla Vanzant I feel as if chapters are ending in my life; the search for happiness has lead to acknowledging voids in my heart which have created the expression or feeling of unhappiness. As I look a bit closer, I realize it wasn't necessarily unhappiness, but more of disappointment; in outcomes. As William Shakespeare wrote: "expectation is the root of all heartache" so as the days have passed I have been working on my expectations and learning to eliminate the ones no longer serving me. I'm sure I've written about expectations in the past and how my philosophy is that they are absolutely necessary and how I hold myself to high expectations; with the flexibility to adjust where/as needed. However the trouble comes in when holding others to my expectations. Recently I read a quote which stated (possibly paraphrased), "don't expect people to be you" along with another quote which ...

"your art is not about how many people like your work your art is about if your heart likes your work if your soul likes your work it's about how honest you are with yourself and you must never trade honesty for relatability" - @chakrahealingvibes (Instagram) Oftentimes I am not sure what to write; usually I allow the words to flow and make sense of themselves, lately however I've been too  indecisive about what I want to share on the blogs and what I want to keep to myself. As much as I know that will only lead to overthinking and such I am making progress as far as not allowing the insecurity to stop me. At one point, even in resent times I have had the thought that I've "lost" my inspiration to share. Which is not the case, however a writer without a muse is an interesting space to be in. As the season changes from Spring to Summer I am forced to reckon with the reality of the year passing by with so much hope and anti...

With nearly every planet in retrograde ( Jupiter , Pluto , Saturn and Uranus  with Neptune going retrograde June 18- November 27), I am currently feeling a bit out of sorts; I guess you can say. Add into the mix this past weekends New Moon, I feel as if I have been sent into orbit. There's a gleeful expression awaiting the words to describe the feeling. However, I don't really know how to be happy anymore; blame bipolar disorder or the circumstances over the past 7 years... Like that quote says, "we all have chapters we don't read aloud" , I sporadically have flashbacks of specific periods where I was either nearly homeless or committed to psych wards and the events leading up to those times as well as the people who played a certain role in those situations. I try to forgive, and to some extent I have, then I think about where I am today; although everything isn't "blue skies and rainbows" , thankfully they aren't as bleak as they once wer...

225 is the number of blog entries reverted to drafts on the other blog ; once I read through a few I realized why they'd return to such. I was completely transparent, however maybe not where it should have been expressed; perhaps, in person or stored in a journal. The purpose of re-reading them was to decide if I should republish them or not and as open and honest as they were I now feel as if I should cherish those memories and let them go. That's been a pattern lately, letting things go. Not from a negative, reactive space, more of a "for the good times" kind of way. While writing this entry I choose to look into an app I have named "Angel Numbers" where I was able to gain insight on a perception regarding those numbers. Of course the message received was confirmation that I am on my journey. I supposed that's one of the issues I've been facing lately; the feeling of nostalgia. I don't quite want to forget any of the memories, with the excep...

"Be a lamp, or a lifeboat or a ladder. Help someone's soul heal" -Rumi Lately, I've been feeling the urge to share; for some odd reason the above quote comes to mind (often). As some of you may know, I was diagnosed with bipolar disorder in the recent years. When dealing with mental health each issue can consume you, so it takes a lot of effort to "remain sane" as the number of disorders seem to increase. I will admit bipolar is a far different "beast" than anxiety and depression have been; for me. However while focusing on my well-being I've neglected the blogs which of course was not intentional. So back to the quote; although I've continued to share on various social media outlets I have not allowed myself to voice my thoughts in the form of blog entries which I will admit has left me feeling the void. During the time of soul searching and healing I chose not to "be a lamp or a lifeboat" or even "a ladder...

“I show my scars so that others may know they can heal.” Unknown I've written before of my relationship with my Mother, the last post mentioning the unlikelihood of reconciliation. Well, as they say, "If you want to make God laugh, tell (Him) your plans"; as unlikely as I thought I was lead to reconcile not only with my Mother, but a few other people in my life. After months of inner-child work as  well as some shadow work which lead to hospitalization earlier this year I believe I am healing wounds from my early childhood years. Which I feel is necessary not to mention inevitable once a person begins the journey into Self-Awareness or any type of Spiritual Journey.  I've missed writing and sharing, I haven't thought of any reason to justify staying away so long other than I was "getting my shit together". Spending many days and nights battling anxiety, depression and insomnia along with the recent diagnosis of bipolar disorder. I feel as if I ...

For the past several evenings I have been attempting to schedule a date with the Moon. As we near the beginning of Summer the Moonrise becomes later and later into the wee hours of the morning, which is far too late/early for me to be out alone, so each night I dread sleep because I'd rather be gazing at the miraculous glow of the Moon. Especially after such a beautiful Full Moon days ago. My love for the Moon began officially one quiet Summer in the 1990's (South Central, Los Angeles). I don't quite remember the details, but what I do remember,  I won't forget. I believe the Moon was Full and I was outside awaiting my laundry. I stood there looking at one of the biggest, brightest Moon's I've ever seen (that I can recall). I was in Love. I'd never felt that way about anything and I knew I wanted to have that feeling included in my life from that day forward. The bond I have with the Moon is indescribable; the love and admiration along with trust and safety...

"I've always been someone who looks 'too deep' into something or someone.  That's because I realized from a young age that there's always more than what meets the eye." - unknown It feels as if I've had several "mother's" in this lifetime; unfortunately, none of them were my own. I suppose aside from God I have no idea who to ask or the appropriate description of how it came to be, nevertheless I had to mature at an extremely young age. I don't remember much of a childhood, I recall brief flashbacks of sorts and some memories, but not the typical coming of age story movies are made of. Often times, especially since developing mental illnesses and being on a leave of absence from work I find myself feeling as if I've been an adult far longer than my actual age. While other times I feel like such a baby, constantly attending to my well-being; mind, body and soul, it seems as if that should be a way of life as we all are ...

A quote comes to mind which states "the hardest thing in life is to know which bridge to cross and which to burn";  although I can relate to this saying, I do not believe it to be "the hardest thing in life" . The difficulty comes with knowing which "bridges" to detach from, as opposed to which to nurture; which can be a delicate  balance of strategy and insight; or even foresight. I will admit, I have not quite mastered it as I sometimes would like to believe. Lately, I have encountered people who are "rubbing me the wrong way" ; I am still processing if this is happening in conjunction with my current spiritual journey, the transits in the Cosmos or simply an obstacle of sorts forcing me to burn a few bridges or invest the energy, time, etc., necessary to build the intended relationships. This all comes to mind as I am navigating through my circumstances, feelings, emotions, healing and humanity while encountering situations which are contr...

"Normal is an illusion. What is normal for the spider is chaos for the fly." Morticia Addams Prior to the election this past voting season, I was dealing with various issues which can cause the average person to stress; however with anxiety disorder everything becomes on high alert or high priority. So to say that during and after the shenanigans as well as the ridiculous results the triggers were ever-present in addition to functioning throughout my daily life has been on the side of chaos might be an understatement. On occasion while running the usual errands or conversing with a neighbor someone will make mention that I don't seem as if I have anxiety disorder, which I have learned to take as a compliment to the behind the scenes "work" I do to understand and manage my self now. I won't go into detail about a recent situation which as a result landed me in the hospital for about a week. I can almost laugh now, seeing how I was just acknowledging, ...

"My heart wants roots. My mind wants wings. I cannot bare their bickerings" E. Y. Harburg After acknowledging the condition of my heart as well as my mind, in addition to the current climate of today's society; I found myself feeling extremely melancholy and somewhat depleted.  At one point I began to reflect on who I once was and how that girl would handle these emotions.  So yesterday I wanted to change my cellphone number, shut down my Facebook account and "disappear" from almost all of the people I know in real life. I felt so many emotions ranging from one extreme to another. While all of this is going on under the surface my outward demeanor would suggest that I am "calm, cool and collected" (typical Capricorn) ; which couldn't be farther from my reality. I made sure to monitor my mental and emotional health in hopes to avoid anxiety attacks, mainly because experience with these issues has taught me that an anxiety attack in my curre...

“Expectation is the root of all heartache.”  William Shakespeare I can not recall when it began or when I realized it had begun, but my heart aches. For whatever reason I was oblivious to being in this condition until I was “smack dab” in the middle of it. I’d acknowledged at some point there had been a heart break yet I figured since I was aware of it there would be no need for it to affect me emotionally. I thought since I know my heart was (or perhaps still is) broken I should not experience the feelings associated with being brokenhearted. Or so I thought… As I attempted to discover the source of the developing feelings, I found myself thrown off balance when I came to realize what I thought was the cause of this particular heart ache was only the tip of the iceberg; so to speak. I have been reliving the past five years in my mind and how I have endured almost every type of heartbreak you could imagine. From “losing” friends, fall-outs with family members, in additio...