fireworks in the night's sky

“Inside you there’s an artist you don’t know about… say yes quickly, if you know, if you’ve known it from before the beginning of the universe.”

Rumi

When I sit to write I try to clear my mind and allow the words to flow through me, sometimes I get stuck wondering what is too much to share verses what is enough. I'm working on just sharing and not being concerned with either, to allow the art of words to form in their own special way. The past two months have been quite interesting as various changes have taken place allowing me to see growth in ways only particular circumstances would provide. I feel as if I have tapped into a space within myself that is free and childlike; perhaps my inner child has gotten some healing that was much needed. I feel the Universe speaking to me, through the music; the Moon, tarot cards, etc. Speaking of, I pulled a card the other day which spoke to me and was a bit of a confirmation of sorts. I used a deck from Mystic Mondays which is the brand of tarot cards I have, the  Princess of Swords which reads: Sparks fly high with a twinkle in your eye. There are a million ideas floating around in your head, and you can't wait to tell anyone and everyone about them! Combusting with excitement, your creativity and brilliance cannot be contained. The Princess of Swords urges to put your ideas into action and go for it. Young, idealistic truth seeker, you have a gift for gab that has the ability to translate effectively to others. Writing and speaking come easily to you, which will aid you when it comes time to spread your ideas and message. With a thirst to learn, you constantly ask questions and want to know the "why" of how things work. Your high energy and curiosity are endless and feed off of your willingness to find the answers. With time comes experience, and the more you go after what you want, the more wisdom and experience you will gain.

I thought it was interesting how that card came into my reality once I decided to write.  After the reading I did a search online for more information and ran across this site and I like what I read. From what I've been feeling and experiencing I feel as if the words from those two (2) passages spoke to me directly. As always the music is in the background, but there's no incense burning; yet. The other week I went to the beach at least four (4) times; I love to watch the Sun set, I also enjoy watching the surfers. As I caught myself finding various distractions taking me away from the thoughts I'd like to share, I brought myself back to the present moment rather than singing along with the music or checking my social media accounts. I believe the beach is my favorite place to be; I find such peace and introspection there. I feel most connected to GOD there, it's as if being in awe of the creation you have to align with the Creator. Each time there was an experience all it's own; at times blissful. Whenever I'm at the beach I think of the most beautiful words to share, yet the drive home usually causes them to disappear. The other day I was thinking of my growth and noticed an area that I intend to give some focus to; attachment issues which derive from emotional neglect and abandonment issues. I debated sharing that here and decided I should allow my thoughts and fingers to let it out prior to speaking with my therapist since I had to reschedule my session. I seem to attach quickly to people and with any sort of variation of plans for example I get completely disappointed. Once I recognized that I knew I needed to make adjustments to my thought or emotional process in that area. 

I feel as if at times I may set myself up for disappointment or sabotage and that is something I do not wish to continue. I will often think the worst case scenario and when it comes to pass I feel the way I did not want to feel, yet my focus brought it upon me. I learned that when dealing with a new friend, although they may be flaky at times does not mean they will be flaky every time so why allow my thoughts to think and manifest the outcome that I do not want to happen? That's a question for my therapist or meditation. I spoke earlier about my inner child and I know that's her speaking to me, letting me know that it's time to heal whatever memory that's buried deep down causing me to behave that way. I will admit, I like a lot of attention; at times I feel it may be too much or overwhelming for someone dealing with me. So I try to hide it as much as possible which leaves more disappointment because the other person didn't read my mind and "just know" what I expected. Like the Shakespeare quote states "expectation is the root of all heartache" I believe that to be true. I am focusing on my expectations of myself as well as with other people to avoid this self-inflicted state of being which is not for the highest good of anyone. Disappointment in my opinion brings sadness and other low vibrational emotions that I choose to leave in the past. So why have I brought it into my present? I believe it's to shine a light on the matter and reconcile it for my betterment. 

Aside from that I have been happy, still. Looking forward to friendships that are blossoming and enjoying my free time. I don't have plans to visit the beach this week, but I intend to be there for a Sun set or two (2) next week. I think it surprises people when they learn how much I truly love it there, even going twice in one day at times. I have yet to meet anyone who loves the Moon or the beach as much as I do, however I appreciate those who find it in themselves to indulge me with my infatuation of both. I have yet to think of a title for this expression, but I am not worried about it because I know something will come to mind by the time I'm ready to publish. I think as I am nearly six (6) months into my new age I am learning myself in a different way; I am being more gentle with myself and allowing the grace and freedom of awareness to develop. As I listen to fireworks in the night's sky I am excited for the approaching holidays. I've always loved fireworks, not fire cracker's, but the ones that light up the sky in such beautiful colors. This year I think I want to go to the beach on the fourth (4th) of July and watch the fireworks with a bonfire and animal mints or blue dream and enjoy the festivities. That sounds like a good plan to me! I find that those strains assist with tapping into my core self, the self that knows all "from before the beginning of the Universe"; it could be all in my mind or it could be my Soul directing me towards things that will assist in uncovering who I am before society told me who I should be. 

The thought of this plan brings me joy, a feeling I am not too familiar with; yet I am anticipating the experience of it all. I think the right company and vibe will make it all that much better. As the night turns to dawn I find myself getting a bit tired, I've had a long day which is a bit unusual for me; and to my surprise insomnia is no where in sight. So I'll take advantage and get some rest, I hope you all are rested and at peace; if not I pray peace finds you and brings all of the amazing things it possess. Maybe take a moment and look at the Moon or visit nature in some aspect. Hopefully I'll post again in the very near future, until then; be well.

Kamille 💗✨