unpinned

 “you can not repeatedly disappoint somebody & expect their energy to still crave you.”

from Facebook; name withheld for privacy

I had an experience the other day which made me mad; if you know me in real life, you'd know that I may get upset briefly, but I rarely get mad. I actually went to bed mad, which is even more unusual. I was hurt and disappointed by someone's actions; or should I say inaction. I'd gotten to the point where I was fed up so I sent a text and put my phone on "do not disturb", however I have yet (as of writing these words) to receive a response. I feel as if that person is "waiting me out" so to speak, maybe trying to allow my anger to pass before engaging; not knowing that is only making things worse. I think in this day and age, more and more, people take kindness and patience for granted. Everyone's so quick to "ghost" people that when someone actually gives second and at times third or forth chances they are seen as a doormat or something. I don't know, I can't speak for those types of people. I just know as the quote above says, you can not continue to disappoint someone and expect them to still want you. No matter what feelings or emotions were attached; doing such things will only sever whatever relationship you (speaking in general) were attempting to build. I made a promise to myself after being "ghosted" that I would no longer participate in such childish behavior (in my opinion) and I intend to stick to it. However I did begin to put together a playlist for my radio show then decided I did not want to give it that much energy yet after speaking with a friend who said it was necessary, I said I would sleep on it.

I am a strong believer in the saying "if they wanted to, they would have" that's something that I've shared with the above mentioned person on occasion and was gaslit into thinking there was someone wrong with that perception; however I truly believe "people make time for what they want to" and if a person isn't making time for you it's because they simply don't want to. Realizing or recognizing that may be hurtful initially however it gives you clarity. It allows you to see what may be a priority to them and if you are not one of those priorities you should act or adjust yourself accordingly. Seeing how I typically have much time on my hands I am a bit more understanding than I probably should be concerning others time management skills or lack thereof, however I to have my limits. I think I will do a playlist and broadcast a show surrounding how I feel as a therapeutic outlet for these feelings. Although this was not a relationship  in a sense it was; so I feel as if this may be a break-up of sorts. It's true, I'm single; however when you spend each day communicating with someone over a period of time you or should I say "I" tend to form attachments and feel strongly when my needs aren't being met. Since we were merely "talking" I feel as if I shouldn't give it too much of my energy, however I must transmute it in order to move on. I feel as if I am doing that with this expression as well as the fact that I made the playlist. I think it came out good so I intend to broadcast on Moon Goddess Radio this Thursday; at 8 o'clock pm (pst). 

In other news...

I had a beautiful weekend, that is until the above occurred. Well, let me back up a bit; I had fun doing my radio show on Saturday then Sunday came. I was reminded that it was Father's Day and I felt a way about not being able to "celebrate" my Dad, which made me sad. I found other things to do to help improve my mood and I thought, "my Dad wouldn't want me to be sad." which helped a lot! I could hear his laugh and found myself smiling. Monday I had a great day at the beach; I usually go to Manhattan Beach, but since my friend and I were with his friend from out of town we went to Venice. I don't remember the last time I was there; we walked the boardwalk, grabbed lunch and sat on the beach near the shore listening to music and watching the Sun set. My type of day! Tuesday was another story because of "the mean reds" which took a lot of time, effort and energy to overcome. That is until I listened to my friend's radio show on Amp (app); where he expressed a roller coaster of emotions through music and it was quite therapeutic. Inspring me to do the same with the energy I found myself in. Now I'm back on my cloud and I'm feeling good; a good drive with a great playlist will do that for me every time. I believe I've given enough time and energy to that situation and I am ready to move forward knowing that I did my best.

I hope you all are having a great week thus far and if given the opportunity check out @kingleopicasso's 5am (pst) wake and bake or 5pm (pst) traffic jam sets followed by my show on the same app (Amp) scheduled for 8pm (pst). I hope you join us; in the meantime "thank you" for showing so much love to my other blog it's truly appreciated. I still find it fascinating that so many of you have stuck with me through the years and are witnessing me grow; especially those of you who have been here from the beginning. I am truly grateful that you find my words helpful in some way. It's officially Summer! I don't know how I intend to spend my Summer, but I am looking forward to the "turn up" I plan to attend for Independence Day. I do plan to continue sharing more as I've done this month; I feel as if I'm finding my flow and each expression has been coming together almost effortlessly. So let's make the best of the next few days until we can enjoy another weekend with all the joy that brings.